Joined: Fri Jun 08, 2012 9:53 am Posts: 186 Location: Texas
"How can you obey the rest of God's commandments if you won't obey the first?" (Someone acutally asked me that!) "God also says 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.' So, I take it you want me to be rude to you."
...Isn't the first commandment to follow only one God? Did the person seriously think the first commandment was to "Be fruitful and multiply"?
I know, right? But in the mind of these people (independent charismatics, Google Kenneth Copeland and you'll understand what I'm talking about), the first commandment is Genesis 1:28 -- be fruitful and multiply. When the GUY said that to me, his son stood next to him. I saw the look in the kid's face. It said "If my Dad were like you, I wouldn't have to put up with his Fundie shit!" I was too heartbroken to reply.
And people ask why I'm an esoteric Anglican now ...
Joined: Thu Jun 14, 2012 1:30 pm Posts: 17 Location: United Kingdom
A lot depends on who I'm dealing with. If it's someone I'm going to have to work with or spend time around, I don't zing.
But if the bingo-er isn't in the above categories, look the f out. What I've learned is that logic and reason won't work, because you're not dealing with someone who's operating on a logical plane at that moment. They're coming at you from a place of deep-seated emotions, many of which even they don't fully comprehend. So what you have to do is shock them on an emotional level. What's the best way to do this? Go creepy. Always go creepy.
Example: BINGO: How can you say you don't want children? It's the greatest love you'll ever experience! ME: I just want you to know that I think it's great that you want to talk to me about my vagina. I feel so close to you right now. BINGO: ....wha? I didn't say anything about your... ME: Sure! You were just telling me what to do with my vagina, and I gotta tell you I love it. Wanna know what my vagina's doing right now? Because it's kind of weird and my doctor says he's never seen anything like it. BINGO: ....no! No! ME (chasing them if necessary): Come on! Vagina time! Let's be bajingo buddies! Come here, I've got a hand mirror and everything!
You really only have to do that a couple of times before word gets out.
Oh my word this is HILARIOUS!!!! I love it!
_________________ "Choosing to live your life by your own choice is the greatest freedom you will ever have.” - Dr Helmstetter
Got a new bingo at the dentist office the other day and thought of this thread. I was telling him about a new symptom I've been having related to my device that I wear at night (I've been waking up with a choking sensation and find myself desperately trying to push the device out of my mouth with my tongue). The following proceeded:
Dentist: Hmmm.... that sounds like a psychological issue brought on by blah blah blah. Me: What are the possible causes/solutions? Dentist: Are you pregnant? (smiling and wagging his eyebrows) (Dentist knows that we don't want kids) Me: NO. And that's not funny. Dentist: Hormonal changes could be a cause. Me: Try another one because that's not it. We aren't having kids. Dentist: But SGF, you know how much you love your dog!? Me: What does that have to do with it!? Dentist: That's the same as with kids- you learn to love them! Me: (same smile with wagging eyebrows) So you equate your kids with dogs? Dentist: (stumbling).... Well,no. We don't even have a dog; they're just too messy and take a lot of work. Me: Hmmm.... so perhaps we shouldn't compare them, huh? End of discussion
_________________ "Love is composed of one soul inhabiting two bodies."- Aristotle
Joined: Thu Jan 22, 2009 9:38 am Posts: 804 Location: the first circle of hell
"Why don't you have kids?" My reply: I don't even like children. Why would I want to own one?
(Of course, that opens me up for "It's different when they are your own." Next time I'll have to ask, "Does that claim come with a money-back guarantee?")
_________________ I have never even idly thought for a single passing second that it might make my life nicer to have a small, rude, incontinent person follow me around screaming and making me buy them stuff for the rest of my life. -Tim Kreider
Joined: Fri May 20, 2011 8:19 am Posts: 324 Location: NYC
"Don't you want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet?" I hate feet.
↑ I don't throw the term "LOL" around when I don't mean it - that one really had me L-ingOL!
(I recently watched Just a Little Harmless Sex - well actually, I fast-forwarded to the parts featuring yummy William Ragsdale - and one of the characters says his wife wants to have a baby. Ragsdale's character replies "Ugh! She wants to hear the pitter-patter of little feet? Get her a gerbil and some tin foil.")
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