I try to avoid the topic. I'm open about it with my family and anybody I meet but avoid the topic with my boyfriend's mom because the only thing she wants is grandkids. Going to save that conversation for after we're married =p. She was saying the usual "BLAHBLAH WHEN YOU HAVE KIDS YOU WILL BLAHBLAH" and he's like "IM NOT HAVING KIDS!" she was shocked and his dad was like "SMART MAN!" so then she yelled at his dad .

I openly talk about it if someone asks. I had a lesbian science partner who asked me if I wanted kids and when I said no she told me to "man up" then went on a huge rant.

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I totally disagree that if you don't "have the balls to announce" that you don't want kids that you are a "fencesitter" or "wannabreed." There are situations that warrant balls-out announcements, and situations that don't.

I don't impose restrictions on one's "childfree" status. If someone is childfree and chooses that lifestyle, then they most certainly can use the label regardless of feigned interest in the workplace or anywhere else for that matter.

Do you also hate people who keep their homosexuality on the Down Low? Is that fake to you? Is it the fault of LGBT people that sects of our society don't accept them, so in some situations, they hide it? Not comparing the "childfree" to LGBT, but comparing the fundamental of duplicity.

I guess a better poll might be, "Do you always display your 'true self' at ALL times?" "LOL"

Would this forum, called "a safe haven in a baby-crazed world," exist if there weren't a need for duplicity?

People can say things here that they couldn't at work, some social gatherings, or with family. etc.

Social morays, etiquette, and artifice, yes, those things interest me, specifically in US culture. In some cultures, the "mask" is innate.

I never fake wanting to have kids. I sometimes find myself saying things like "If I had kids I wouldn't put up with them jumping on the couch" or "If I was pregnant I wouldn't be camping at 8 months" but that is more to show my opinions in a non threatening way. My husband and I took a bold step and told family and friends our decision to not have children about 6 months ago and have not looked back. It feels great to be open about it. We try not to boast or offend anyone by telling them that we do not wish to have children, but sometimes it is unavoidable. Some people feel very strongly that everyone NEEDS to have kids. I hope that everyone who voted that they do pretend or fake it to fit in to society get the courage to stand up for their right to choose their own path in their life. It really is a great feeling to be honest with those around you. They may not understand, but with time they should get over it.

I did say MOST. Of course there are some situations where it would not be appropriate or worth the effort to confess that you're childfree. I also never advocated loud announcements or shoving the preference in other people's faces. There can be a harmonious balance where someone remains polite but also honest about who they are. This stance demonstrates respect for the audience and also yourself.

You may have a different opinion than I do, but I don't give people credit for hiding their true selves away for reasons of expedience. I understand there may be pressure but it's not brave or admirable behaviour. Nor is it helpful for other people who may be struggling for acceptance. Hiding in the closet is often unhealthy, and can indicate an element of self-hatred and shame about your lifestyle and others like you.

I'm not duplicitous about being CF or frequenting CF forums. I don't care who knows.

I'm all in favor of people being vocal about their beliefs and evoking change. That's a good thing.

What I'm discussing in this thread is the fact that we don't live in an ideal world, and that reality is interesting. I don't discredit people for hiding their true selves, because that's the reality in which we live. I may surround myself socially with people who share my particular political bent, but that is not the US at large. The War on Women is not lost on me. It's palpable, and pronatal identity is par for that course. I wish I could don my Wonder Woman cuffs and block the bias, but in my particular workplace, I can't. And, I am not in a position, in this poor economy, to jar our office cohesion. That's what prompted this thread. Reality. We can all put our best "true" selves forward on the Internet, but that's not what interests me.

Of course, I'm not saying that anyone is being dishonest here in saying they never fake it. I'm sure you all are. But, I'm also sure there are others who do fake it, and I understand why.

In blue: It's not my place to determine what is "brave and acceptable" behavior in terms of an individual's identity, and I find that sort of judgement as harmful as pronatal-shove-it-in-your-face behavior.

And, "faking it" doesn't necessarily mean overdoing it via compliments and ooos and aaahs for kiddos. For me, it means being civil about children, when at times I feel quite hostile! More like, holding it in.

The question was about admitting whether you want to have kids yourself. Most people don't find it hard to remain momentarily civil towards children around them even if they're acting like little twats.

It's important to remember that this is an international forum. America is quite conservative compared to many other countries. I watch American politics through snippets of the Daily Show & think Jon Stewart is old fashioned. But I believe he's considered liberal in the US. Scary.

Actually, the original question was about feigning interest in children in general, but I later added the "wanting to have kids" bit. I've definitely said, "I'm not ready" to get pushy moms off my back, because I've faced a barrage of questions on why I don't want kids when I've been honest in the past. Come on. We are all familiar with female psychological warfare in the workplace. And, when outnumbered by breeders, well, it's actually kind of fun to fly under the radar. Anthropology.

Ok, so a total of 49 votes so far and 71% of you do not pretend. That's awesome. I hope it's the case in a larger sense, and especially in the workplace.

My vote: Sometimes: I fake it at work and social gatherings involving parents

ha! I'd do very well with the CIA.