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Unread postPosted: Thu Apr 17, 2014 11:19 am 
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Joined: Mon Apr 14, 2014 5:50 am
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Location: Yorkshire, UK
I'm sure there must have been a thread on this - I've searched but the search words are too common to return any results! So if this threads wants to be locked or die, that's cool.

This isn't judgement and I'm not pulling the typical bingo stuff and of course, whatever your reasons are, they're valid and you don't owe children or an explanation to anyone. So I'm genuinely curious, I'm sure everyone has reasons for why they chose this lifestyle.

Personally, my reasons are that I have no maternal instinct (which is probably the biggest - if you have no base desire for something, why do it?), I want to focus on my career and a relationship without too much distraction and I think I'd feel trapped if I had kids. Probably the more shallow ones are that I'd like to have money to spend on myself, it's too much hard work for nothing in return and I don't want to ruin my body with childbirth and pregnancy! I also think it's immoral to have children of your own when you can adopt, but that doesn't factor into it much because I'm not planning to adopt, either.

However, I like/don't mind kids. But it's one of those things where it's good in small doses, an hour or so of volunteering at a playgroup a week is more than enough - I don't want to be their carer.

edit: it's so frustrating that the people I volunteer with just can't understand why I remain childfree. "But you like children, so you'll DEFINITELY change your mind eventually." Yes, I also like going to theme parks, but I don't want to give up my life to work full time at one!


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Unread postPosted: Thu Apr 17, 2014 12:13 pm 
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Yes there have been threads on this before but I don't think I will ever run out of reasons i don't want kids.
Main reasons for me are
I don't really like kids- From time to time they are ok and most of the time i can tolerate them in public but only for short (and i do mean short) periods of time.
I like my income to be MY income.
I like being a priority in my relationship
I like making my boyfriend a priority in my relationship
I like my free time
I don't like little fingers that have been in every bodily orifice on anything I own.
I like quite when I want it quite
I would feel trapped if I was a parent... suffocated and deeply deeply depressed.
I have plans for my life that don't include children and never will
I can't stand being called repretedly over and over and over again... it drives me insane
It would be fare to said child if I was the mother since I don't want one and avoid getting pregnant
Not enough funds to care for another human being....

Really I could take up this whole forum but those are the things that I think of the most. :P


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Unread postPosted: Thu Apr 17, 2014 4:45 pm 
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Joined: Sun Apr 13, 2014 6:46 pm
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Location: Reed City, MI
All of the above.

I'm an only child who was never really exposed to babies when I was a kid. I only have one cousin and we're 11.5 years apart and we lived across the country until she was in kindergarten.

I have known I was CF since I was 5. I always told people I would never have kids. I never wanted to play with dolls, never wanted to play "house", etc. The thought of pregnancy and childbirth really, really squick me out. I can't stand the thought of some parasite feeding off of my body. Blargh. I don't like pain and cannot even begin to imagine how I would get through a birth without having severe mental and emotional scars. :sick:

I like quiet and I love to sleep. I'm selfish and I like doing what I want, when I want to do it. I like spending my money on me. I am not good at sharing.

I have zero maternal instinct unless it has to do with raising animals. If a kitten and a baby were both crying, I would pick up the kitten long before I would ever pick up and comfort a baby.

Babies are ugly, they smell, they're loud, they throw up and I don't want to scrape shit off anyone's ass.

Having a kid would make me feel trapped for the rest of my life. It doesn't matter if your kid is 5 or 75, it's still your kid. You can never escape that.

All that being said, I don't mind the occasional WELL BEHAVED child in small doses. Our neighbor has a granddaughter that is 6. She's smart, funny, very well behaved, talks like she's at least 12 and she loves animals. She comes over about once a month and we spend the afternoon petting the cats, playing with the chickens/ducks, making jewelry and watching Disney movies. It's nice to spend time with her, but I am always extremely glad when she goes home!

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I love cats because I enjoy my home; and little by little, they become its visible soul. — Jean Cocteau


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Unread postPosted: Thu Apr 17, 2014 6:25 pm 
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Posts: 766
Location: NYC
-I am an introvert, which means I need a LOT of time to be by myself. If you have a kid, you will never be alone-at least not for the first 5-6 years.
-the thought of pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding makes me cringe- no way would i ever want to go through that!
-major mental health problems run in my husband's and my families- those are not something we want to pass on.
-I like babies & older kids, but I can't handle toddler meltdowns, or temper tantrums at any age.
-I know that I would never be able to parent a child with special needs.
-Most children are at least somewhat raised by their peers. Ie they are influenced by the other kids in school, play group, whatever. Seeing what a piss poor job so many parents are doing, and how awful their kids are turning out, makes me thankful I won't have to worry about those dumbasses influencing my kids.
-I love my husband and dogs and I don't want to love anyone more than I love them.
-I don't want to subject anyone else to suffering. Life is hard, and everyone suffers. Why force someone who didn't even ask to be born to suffer?
-I don't want to subject myself to suffering. And being a mother would force me to endure a lot of suffering- physical pain, emotional pain, all that stuff. i know parents always say 'it's worth it!1!1!!!!11!' but then I read things like Truu Mom confessions, and know that for a lot of them, it's actually not worth it- it's just not socially acceptable to admit that.

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I already am a mom: to dogs. That's about all I can handle.


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Unread postPosted: Thu Apr 17, 2014 7:18 pm 
I never really had the paternal instincts. I can tolerate kids under twelve for about 30 minutes max.

My wife is a little more maternal but she has pulmonary hypertension. We found this out on our honey moon when we were hiking a 14'er in Colorado. Anyway, we used condoms and FAM through college and two years after we were married we got pregnant. DW really had her heart set in being a mom. I tried explaining things logically until her second trimester when her cardiovascular system crashed and I ended up rushing her to the hospital. The cardiologist bluntly laid down the facts. Either abort tonight or her and the baby would be dead in a week. Finally it clicked with her. We aborted and she lived.

Over the following several years we continued with FAM and condoms. DW came around to the idea of living child free. DW and i were raised in borderline fundy families. She took some time to get past the You Female, You Breed! mentality. Last fall we had another pregnancy scare when she was late. First thing she said to me was 'I'm three weeks late'; second thing was. 'I don't want to die for this'. Turns out she just had a wonky cycle but it sealed the deal that one of us had to get fixed.

I finally found a willing Doc in the cities about 300 miles away. Got clipped in early march. Waiting for the all clear.

Looking forward to the day I can bust a nut and not worry about killing my wife...


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Unread postPosted: Fri Apr 18, 2014 9:53 am 
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Location: New Hampshire
Simple answer: I just never wanted them. Same as if you asked me why I never got a tattoo, or why I never splurged on that designer bag. Meh. Don't want it.

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If the creator of the universe is opposed to birth control, then why does it work?


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Unread postPosted: Fri Apr 18, 2014 11:00 am 
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Location: Yorkshire, UK
@kat81, definitely get you about the influencing thing. I don't think I could handle my hypothetical kid being influenced by all the dumb crap around them.


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Unread postPosted: Fri Apr 18, 2014 2:21 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jun 02, 2010 1:37 pm
Posts: 327
Location: NH
Never really had the urge or saw the reason for them. Also, the permanence of a kid. Anything else in this world? You buy it, you don't like it, you return it. ANYTHING. Except a kid. No thanks. I like my income and my freedom to do as I please when I please.


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Unread postPosted: Fri Apr 18, 2014 5:08 pm 
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Location: Northamptonshire
Pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding are unimaginably gross.

If I had ever had the desire to parent, I would have had to adopt. But I loathe babies, abhor toddlers, dislike children, and prefer to avoid teenagers. And there is nothing I have ever seen about a childed lifestyle that seemed in any way appealing.

I have chosen to be childfree more or less the same way I have chosen to be facial-piercing-free.


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Unread postPosted: Fri Apr 18, 2014 5:35 pm 
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Joined: Fri Feb 21, 2014 7:09 pm
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Location: Denial
The more I think about it, the more reasons pop up:
I'm selfish
I don't want any more responsibility than I have to have
I don't want to be pregnant ever
I like taking care of things, but I don't like HAVING to take care of things
I don't like babies or kids, and I like them less the older I get
Career > kids
Dog > kids
Anything > kids
This world is too crazy to try to raise kids in
I have too much anxiety for kids
And just generally, I like to be alone and quiet
I don't wanna birth a kid
I don't wanna spend money to adopt a kid
I don't want a kid

Life is short and then you die. Why waste it raising kids? :P


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