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Unread postPosted: Thu Jul 17, 2014 12:08 pm 
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My childhood was mostly average, I guess. But there were contributing factors to my CF status in the picture from early on, that were not masked in any psychological way. They were out in the open.

* I've had a contentious relationship with my mother since I was about 6 or 7. She made it very clear she didn't get the daughter she wanted. I openly rebelled even further from her expectations when I realized this.

* The age gap between my only sibling and I is wide enough that I remember his infancy, and was forced into unpaid babysitting from the time I was nine years old.

* I didn't like being a kid, and found no real value in childhood. I found it limiting, frustrating. I still don't understand phrases like "the freedom of being a kid." The lack of autonomy inherent to being a kid felt like a prison sentence to me, and I spent a lot of time trying to break out, long before I was even a teenager.

There is no part of that I find worthy of repeating from the other side, and no part of that I believe would be a kindness to bestow upon another human being.

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Unread postPosted: Sun Aug 03, 2014 9:55 pm 
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I did not have a good childhood, but I don't know that this contributed to my being CF. I think it was more being raised by a resentful single mother. She always made my brother and me feel like we were in her way, and she hated that she got no support from our father. I came to see how much better her life would have been without kids. My feeling has always been that children demand way too much time and energy and I didn't want to give this, or have my life derailed. I also did not want my mother to be a grandparent and get a second chance to do it right.

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Resist much. Obey little. ~ Walt Whitman


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Unread postPosted: Sat Aug 09, 2014 9:21 pm 
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Location: Australia
I had a great childhood. I'm an only child so we were pretty well off financially and my parents had the time to give me lots of attention. I never got told that I couldn't try a particular activity because we couldn't afford it and I had a great relationship with my parents with lots of overseas travel and they were in a position to give me every opportunity. I wasn't a spoilt brat and my parents had high expectations in terms of behaviour, manners etc.
All my friends wanted to come to my house because I didn't have annoying little brothers and sisters following us around. I used to hate going to some friends houses because their parents would tell us that we had to play with the little sister or take her with us if we went out etc.
I've never been around little kids or babies as all my cousins are way older than me. This is possibly a factor because I just haven't been exposed to small kids and have no idea how to talk to them or relate to them. I have also experienced a high standard of living and don't want to sacrifice my lifestyle in order to be a parent.


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Unread postPosted: Sun Aug 10, 2014 4:29 pm 
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I was never physically abused but I did take the brunt of some emotional shit that my mom liked to throw at me. She had a ton of issues and I would hear about them whenever she was mad at me.

Whether it has anything to do with me being CF I really don't know or care.

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Unread postPosted: Sun Aug 10, 2014 5:39 pm 
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I'd be a liar if I said that my childhood isn't probably making an impact somewhere inside my CF psyche.
I didn't have a bad childhood, but I could have had a better one. It was bad enough that I don't want to relive it again through a child of my own.

I don't see families with kids and assume rainbows and sunshine: I see a sad desperate mom that has sacrificed her entire identity, a bad marriage, kids you can't get rid of, and a total loss of freedom.

On the other hand, I have so many reasons for being CF that just make plain good sense that have nothing to do with childhood whatsoever.


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Unread postPosted: Mon Oct 13, 2014 12:52 pm 
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I had a normal childhood, but I was extremely unhappy - mostly because I was unusually disciplined and motivated and wanted to change my situation through "work" (and not through stamping and yelling until I get what I want), which of course did not work. And I wanted to live alone and earn money and pay my own bills and all this shit (when I was eleven, I wrote stories about people earning money and paying mortgage, electricity and groceries... instead of stories about people being in love :lol: ).

I don't think it plays any role in my decision to not have children, I'm just selfish and can't stand children and value high my body (X months with baby bump? absolutely no way!) and privacy and I'm not willing to make compromises, if I want to do A and you want to do B, then I'm doing A and you can do B alone or you can go and fuck yourself if you don't like it, which you obviously cannot apply to a child (and I would not force other human being to comply to my lifestyle and accompany me at my activities).
But on the top of that, I don't perceive childhood as a happy time, because... because you cannot work and pay your own bills :mrgreen:. I'm immune to both types of "how to be influenced by your childhood" - I cannot reconstruct my happy childhood, because it wasn't happy, and I cannot make up for my bad childhood, because in my POV, happy childhood is impossible.


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Unread postPosted: Wed Oct 15, 2014 6:05 am 
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I had a very normal childhood in a very normal family.

I don't think my childhood influenced my being CF in any way: I was happy and loved and I always knew my parents had me (and my sisters) because they wanted to, they were (and are)genuinely happy to be parents and have a large family. I'm pretty sure of that.

I just don't want the same thing for me.

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“If you end up with a boring miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it.” (F. Zappa)


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Unread postPosted: Wed Nov 26, 2014 11:20 am 
This is the ONLY reason I am still on the fence. I had the best childhood - incredible parents and now they're no longer here I'm aware that the only way I can have immediate family is to knit my own (what do you mean that's not how it's done?). That 'bond' they all talk about. ARGH! This has created its own converse CFness though - because I know of both great love and great loss and pain coming from that 'bond', I am petrified of being that vulnerable again.

Growing up though, I was very much like the people in here - no interest in dolls, babies or kids. I hated even daft kids songs where you had to pretend to cradle a baby. As an only child, I was also a bit co-dependent and always treated like an adult. So I was never interested in other kids or families and always had loads of my own time.


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Unread postPosted: Wed Nov 26, 2014 1:32 pm 
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I grew up in a totally dysfunctional family, physically and emotionally abusive.

I pitied my parents as much as I hated them though. We could never 'get over' the harm that was done and ongoing, in a dynamic where one parent works all day and all night and only gets abuse from his wife for 'not spending time with the kids' and where the other parent, cooks and cleans and is a general skivy, loses her relationship with her husband etc

There was no benefit to any individual from any of it. We were fed, clothed, educated, and abused at the drop of a hat. That's about it. There was plenty of money, money wasn't an issue, time was the issue.

You wouldn't choose it for yourself.

That burned into me a drive to do the complete opposite, that didn't mean, 'ok, I just won't have kids', it means I saw the pointlessness of it all and developed a strong sense of rational self-interest, independence and a value of my own life as an individual. And yes, when I looked at the things I really wanted in life, the things that made me happy or had the potential to make me happy, kids, family, didn't come into it. A waste of my time and money. Apart from never having that maternal interest. Children annoy me.

That even extends to my relationship with my partner as well though to be honest. I don't want to sacrifice my ambitions, aims, or ideals to someone else.

I was annoyed the other day by a bingo, because I know the the person in question very much values 'who' I am, my ambitions, motivations, reason, objectivity, independence. That is why it is so insulting then to be bingo'd and have someone think I would throw it all away, compromise myself for another.

Its quite possible for someone to have the same mentality as me without growing up in an abusive family though!!!


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Unread postPosted: Wed Nov 26, 2014 4:29 pm 
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I had a great childhood. A fantastic father who taught me how to a man and husband. A mother who though she liked work a little more than was healthy was nonetheless a good mother. I was disciplined when I needed it but never to harshly. I had a great extended family with two sets of fantastically loving grandparents.

My father had (still has) numerous one line sayings he lives by. Two of them are "if you don't used your head you might as well have two asses" and "if you're going to be dumb you better be tough". He was always pressing me to think for myself. I guess because this was encouraged as a child I have always thought for myself and not went with group-think.

I did want children when I was first married at age 19. Now in my 30's with no children I realize that children are not part of who I am nor are they part of who my wife is. Our lives to the fullest do not include children of our own. Our lives to the fullest are the two of us living out any thought that pops into our heads, well within reason! And hopefully leaving something to a niece or nephew that will give then an unsuspected boost later in life.

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Every day I don't have kids is a day I realize I made the right choice!


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