It is currently Sat Dec 16, 2017 9:07 pm

All times are UTC - 5 hours





Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 15 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next
Author Message
Unread postPosted: Sat Jul 05, 2014 1:57 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sun Dec 22, 2013 2:48 am
Posts: 370
Location: Under the Sea
I want to start this thread so that the younger childfree people or anyone who is struggling with the pressure to breed will read this. :D

What advice would you give to the younger childfree? Feel free to tell your experiences or BINGO stories.

_________________
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming~ Dory


Report this post
Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
Unread postPosted: Sat Jul 05, 2014 4:16 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sun Mar 21, 2010 4:53 pm
Posts: 4437
Location: western us
To tell you the truth I never consciously decided I didn't want to have kids, I was just so busy doing the things I wanted to do that it never interested me. So I guess the only thing I can say is now that I'm 55 I have NO regrets about not having kids. People who tell you that you will regret it are wrong. If you truly have no interest in or an aversion to having kids, then you will NOT regret it one single bit. I never have.

_________________

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.”
― Mark Twain


Report this post
Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
Unread postPosted: Sat Jul 05, 2014 4:54 pm 
Offline

Joined: Mon Feb 20, 2012 8:34 am
Posts: 851
Location: Northamptonshire
Same here -- I never wanted kids, so I never had any.

My advice would be to just live your life, and don't make a big deal about saying you don't want kids. Just don't have any. You don't need to justify, argue, defend or explain your reasons.


Report this post
Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
Unread postPosted: Sat Jul 05, 2014 9:00 pm 
Offline

Joined: Wed Jan 06, 2010 5:03 am
Posts: 95
Location: Indiana
I'm one of the young ones I suppose. 27 right now. I was an early articulator. My advice--Live your life how you want to live it. Don't listen to those you try to bring you down to their level whether it is about having kids, getting married, a specific job or field you "should" go in. Yeah, I've had people question my stance, but I have never been one to listen to others when it is my life they are talking about.


Report this post
Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
Unread postPosted: Sun Jul 06, 2014 4:18 am 
Offline
Moderator
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jun 26, 2011 9:08 am
Posts: 7249
Location: Midlands, UK
Just echoing other comments, it's not a big deal, the only person who defines their identity as CF is 'yourself'. There is no need to bring it up in conversation, to justify your position, to look for validation, just live your life and be the person you want to be. Sometimes we, directly or indirectly, encourage others to question and cajole when really no one needs to even know. I'm not saying be secretive or hide it, just put it where it belongs, in the same sort of category as preferring cheese to chocolate. It's just one of the many millions of things that makes you...you.

Those of us who are a little older (I'm 52) seem to be pretty consistent in our views and situation
a) we never wanted kids, ever or even made a conscious decision about not having them
b) we didn't see it as an issue to be addressed with anyone
c) we got on doing what we wanted to do, living our lives as we chose
d) we never made excuses or or tried to explain
e) we've never regretted our 'choice'
f) there was never any big 'struggle' because it was never any big deal
g) we were comfortable enough in our own skin/choice and self worth to ignore or disassociate ourselves from people who tried to convert or insult us (and that would be over anything, not just being CF).

As Melody1Mert said
Quote:
I have never been one to listen to others when it is my life they are talking about.
and I think that's pretty much captured the approach of many of us in a nutshell.

_________________
I don't understand parents. When I see them with their beady eyes and their little smirking mouths, I just think they're from a different f*cking species.


Report this post
Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
Unread postPosted: Sun Jul 06, 2014 11:51 am 
Offline

Joined: Thu Aug 15, 2013 11:12 am
Posts: 52
I'm 55 and the only advice I can give to a young CF person is stay true to yourself. You know what is best for you. Live your life without any need to explain or defend your decision. Your "choice" will leave you with no regrets.


Report this post
Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
Unread postPosted: Sun Jul 06, 2014 11:56 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Mon Jun 04, 2012 9:16 am
Posts: 226
Location: Texas
I'm 31, and I've been vocally CF for a couple years now (though a HS teacher of mine mentioned once that he remembers me talking about not wanting kids when I was a senior).

I think it's hard in your 20s to be vocal about it mostly because of the Bingo that You'll Change Your Mind. I still get it and expect I'll get it throughout my 30s. Usually it's said by people that don't know me well, so I just snark and say, "So glad you know me better than I know myself." Most back off after that with me.

I do think it's good to find support about it. When I found this forum, it was really the first bit of support I had knowing that there were others like me. I know other women who don't have children, but most of them don't have children by circumstance. So far none have told me they just chose not to have children. Luckily my friends and family have been pretty good about my choice, and that helps as well.


Report this post
Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
Unread postPosted: Sun Jul 06, 2014 1:10 pm 
Offline
Moderator
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2012 11:53 am
Posts: 12822
Location: Ohio, US
It may sound very specific, but I would just hammer home the idea that one must always be responsible for their own birth control. Always. Always. Always.

I actually worry quite a bit about my nephew, who has a dangerous combination of being CF, but not being able to say no to a sexual liaison, no matter poorly thought out. He's like his dad that way; if a woman offered it up, and she said, "I'm not on protection, and I have every known STD, plus a couple they haven't named yet", and he didn't have any condoms, his overwhelming desire for sex would likely override everything else, and he'd jump in and think, "Well, hopefully it'll work out." He just can't say no.

_________________
"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to
live as one wishes to live: and unselfishness is letting other people's
lives alone, not interfering with them."
-- Oscar Wilde


Report this post
Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
Unread postPosted: Sun Jul 06, 2014 2:03 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sun Dec 22, 2013 2:48 am
Posts: 370
Location: Under the Sea
^CarryOn, have you tried talking to him about it?

_________________
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming~ Dory


Report this post
Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
Unread postPosted: Sun Jul 06, 2014 2:38 pm 
Offline
Moderator
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2012 11:53 am
Posts: 12822
Location: Ohio, US
^^^ Repeatedly.

Sex is a weird thing, I suppose. Some people have hyperdrives, some have none, and everything in between. I enjoy sex as much as the next person, but I've almost always been able to keep things in perspective.

With him, he's like a dog with a bowl of food; he's never sure if another serving is coming his way, so he'll be damned if he's not enjoying the serving that's in front of him.

You know how in the movies, men are frequently portrayed as being almost hypnotized by sex, like they have no control over their desires? That's almost how he is. I don't mean it in a way to suggest that he would harm a woman or force himself on someone, he's the gentlest person I know, but if a woman is interested in him, it's as if he can't say no, like it's beyond his willpower.

His dad is the same way and over the years, it's gotten him into some fairly serious issues. Maybe it's genetic.

_________________
"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to
live as one wishes to live: and unselfishness is letting other people's
lives alone, not interfering with them."
-- Oscar Wilde


Report this post
Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 15 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

All times are UTC - 5 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest


You can post new topics in this forum
You can reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  

Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group