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Unread postPosted: Thu Nov 10, 2016 7:45 pm 
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Aww, no follow up? I made popcorn and everything!

Both DH and I have CF aunts and it was a fantastic way to grow up. While with other aunts and uncles we were always the +1 to their own kids and seen as just another kid to babysit, with the CF aunts it was like being invited into the adult world for a bit and it was wonderful. In my case, my aunt very definitely wasn't mistaking me for her own kid. Rather she saw me as a gross, loud, noisome little creature who she had to put up with if she wanted a relationship with my mom. Which gradually turned into her tolerating me and then letting me into her world and that was like being elected queen of the universe I felt so honored. And my mom loved it once I was old enough for my aunt to tolerate - one more person to take her kids off her hands for a bit, one more person to care for us and help us turn into decent adults.

So with that I suspect there's a LOT more going on in OP's life and I'm rather disappointed to miss some of the drama.


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Unread postPosted: Tue Nov 15, 2016 11:32 am 
Not going to comment on your question about what she said ("participating in family activities") because it doesn't totally make sense the way you stated it. Could you rephrase that please?

However, kids are way more fun when they aren't your own. YES, plenty of CF people who don't totally dislike kids will play or hang out with a kid and then give it back when it gets "messy, expensive or inconvenient." It's more fun that way. You sound almost like you're just miffed that you didn't figure that out before you had your own.


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Unread postPosted: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:39 pm 
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^^^

"However, kids are way more fun when they aren't your own. YES, plenty of CF people who don't totally dislike kids will play or hang out with a kid and then give it back when it gets "messy, expensive or inconvenient." It's more fun that way. You sound almost like you're just miffed that you didn't figure that out before you had your own."


So....it seems you already had your answer before you even posted. You already somehow have the knowledge that "plenty" of CF use kids to replace one's that they are "miffed" they didn't have. If that's the case, why did you post here?

It's great that you know that, because I, as an individual, can't claim to have any knowledge of what someone else wants, unless they tell me, and they are telling the truth. How exactly did you come across this revelation that some people in general like to muck about playing with kids, and some don't. More importantly, that if one doesn't have kids, and occassionally wants to interact with one, that means they really wanted one?

I think you are misunderstanding slightly the purpose, and the people on this forum. There is no one that "didn't figure that out before you had your own."

We...don't...have....our own, and are very happy about that. Hence, child free rather than childless. Being child free has nothing to do with liking/disliking kids. It has to do with the fact we did not want them, for any variety of reasons, and exercised our right not to have them.

Thank you for letting us know we are just angry because we didn't have any children, and only get to play with one until they get messy.

Now, as Carry On said....Go Away.

Oh, but make sure you tell everyone who will listen how you posted twice on a childfree forum, and now know that we are just angry and bitter because we don't have children.


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Unread postPosted: Wed Nov 16, 2016 1:47 am 
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^ Pretty sure that was a different guest than the one who wrote the opening post.

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Unread postPosted: Wed Nov 16, 2016 2:48 pm 
Guest wrote:
You don't get to borrow other people's kids when you want to play happy family and the return them as soon as they become too noisy, messy, expensive, and inconvenient.


Sure you do. That's kind of what being a childfree aunt or uncle or friend is all about.

You should be glad that your sister likes your kids and is enjoys being around them instead of whining about it. Would you prefer that she had nothing to do with them?


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Unread postPosted: Fri Nov 18, 2016 9:12 am 
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Yeah, sorry the second guest post was from me... Not sure why it did that as I was signed it. Sorry for the confusion!


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Unread postPosted: Fri Nov 18, 2016 10:30 am 
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Guest wrote:
I don't get it. You want kids, have kids. You don't want kids, don't have kids. You don't get to borrow other people's kids when you want to play happy family and the return them as soon as they become too noisy, messy, expensive, and inconvenient.


I do, though. That's the enjoyable thing I find about being an Auntie to a little boy. I enjoy spending time with him sometimes like any other member of the family and yes I get to do the fun things and then pass him back at the end of the duration of our time together. He's not my child and I don't expect him to be, either. It's just nice to catch up with him. I mean what's the solution? Should I not hang out with him at all and just be ignoring him to satisfy some over sensitive parents? Do you feel differently over someone who HAS kids but enjoys the Auntie role over a sibling's children?


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Unread postPosted: Sat Nov 19, 2016 8:42 pm 
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To answer your question of do the childfree use their nieces and nephews to replace kids - answer no.

I have four nieces and nephews and I don't have anything to do with them, distance is a factor however if they were closer things probably wouldn't be any different.

As for your sister trying to dictate what family functions you should attend, I think half the story is missing. She obviously wants to spend time with her family which include your kids, she obviously wants to do nice things for them however I wonder if you are holding the kids over everyone's heads, do you go mostly to the family events which your sister can't attend. You seem a little jealous that she travels alot and then wants to spend enjoyable time with your kids and hand them back when they get grumpy. They are your children and you are responsible for them, it's not on your sister to be a primary care giver however it is completely normal for her to want to be part of the family and spend time with them and buy them gifts.

I may not be interested in my nieces or nephews however a friend of mine, 40 with no children dotes on her two nieces, she takes them to swimming lessons, buys them gifts, baby sits them and their mother doesn't begrudge this but is so thankful for the time it allows her to do other things, she is grateful for the extra presents and that her family loves her children as much as she does.

I think this is your issue, rather than seeing the good you are seeing something negative. If you don't want to attend family functions then don't, they are your kids however don't then complain when your family stop buying presents for your kids or stop wanting to interact with them because there will be other kids from other family or friends who will benefit from this love, they can and will eventually turn their attentions elsewhere. This is something positive for your kids, having another adult offering a positive loving relationship in their life and yet you are resentful of it. You would withhold something good from your own children so your sister can't sweep into town and enjoy time with them and then go and travel and have freedom. This is definitely your issue and no one else's to deal with.


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Unread postPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2016 10:59 pm 
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No. Absolutely not.

The question seems to imply that the child-free somehow need to muscle in on other people's family lives, because we have some kind of void in our own lives, which needs to be filled. I can assure you that this is absolutely not the case.

I have an extremely full and enjoyable life, and frankly I wouldn't have time to associate with other people's kids, even if I wanted to.

There is no way on earth that I would have experienced a tenth of what I have in my life, if I had one child, much less several.

So no. I don't want kids of my own - and I want other people's even less.


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Unread postPosted: Mon Dec 05, 2016 11:35 am 
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Not a chance. In fact, I really don't want anything to do with my nieces and nephews.

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