I have come to expect bingos at events such as family occasions, children's parties etc. They don't phase me anymore. I have over the years developed an ability to laugh things off, give a smart answer or, should the situation require it, tell the person where to go. If I'm going to certain situations e.g. anything involving my in laws, I brace myself in advance. However, there are certain enviroments where I never thought I would need to brace myself. Last week I was at a work function. It was very much a formal rather than a social work event. I had organised it and after the speeches I was working the room, giving out further information on topics raised, introducing people. I joined a group of clients, people I did not know well, all very senior and then one of them said to me 'how long are you married?' I answered and he said - to what felt like the entire room - 'do me a favour and don't leave it too long to have kids.' I was completely dumbstruck. Not because of the bingo itself, it's one I have heard many times before, but because of the environment in which is was said. I wasn't playing with children at a family BBQ, I was entirely in work mode. When I told my husband later, he couldn't believe I had said nothing. I'm normally quite assertive. But, on this occasion, the words just didn't come, it really threw me. I'll be better prepared next time.
Joined: Sun Sep 20, 2009 11:58 am Posts: 6058 Location: London, England
That's such a rude thing to say. what was the response in the room like?
I think most people would see that as rude, inappropriate, invasive...and I always wonder how people would feel if they had that sort of comment directed at them, and they wanted kids but couldn't have them.
what did you say after the silence?!
_________________ "Life is a matter of passing time enjoyably. There may be other things in life, but I've been too busy passing my time enjoyably to think very deeply about them." Peter Cook
I have been bingoed in similar situations, and I just smile. These people are strangers and possible customers, and although what they are saying is incredibly rude, I just don't feel like investing the time in effort in trying to argue with them without causing a scene. Unless what the person is saying is racist or hurtful, in a professional setting it would cost much more to argue than to pretend the person just said "I like rocks."
It wouldn't have bothered me. I read it and re-read it and can't understand it. If it was truly a "bingo", I would've spoken up in a loud voice asking the person to repeat it and explain. I get right in peoples' faces when they insult me and let the whole place know it!
It wouldn't have bothered me. I read it and re-read it and can't understand it. !
It's not really what was said that bothered me. God knows, that's tame compared to some of the things that get said to us! I was bothered by the context. Maybe I have just been lucky up to now but I am not used to being reminded of my reproductive duties in a professional setting.
Joined: Mon Aug 22, 2011 11:59 am Posts: 190 Location: USA
Sometimes I think an incredulous look and silence (with eyebrows raised to the ceiling for added flair!) can say more than all of the retorts in the world. Anyone with an ounce of sense would have observed your professional and graceful handling of a situation with an awkward clod. I think you took the high road considering it was a formal business situation.
_________________ “Sometimes I really think people ought to have to pass a proper exam before they're allowed to be parents. Not just the practical, I mean.” - Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time
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