Joined: Thu May 17, 2012 2:16 pm Posts: 684 Location: New Jersey, USA
I went to work with an aunt today just hours ago. Two of her co-workers (one who is her friend) had a slight argument. One is childfree and sterile and the other is a mother of three. My aunt's friend had an abortion about a year before she got sterilized because her birth control failed. How they got on that topic, who knows, but the mother asked my aunt's friend why she didn't choose adoption instead. I could tell by her tone she really didn't want to talk about it, but the mother kept pushing.
(This is paraphrased to the best of my memory)
Mother: But you could've given that baby to someone who really wanted it! Aunt's friend: I still would've had to go through nine months of pregnancy and then birth, which I do not want! Mother: But it would've been over and then you could've given the baby up and gone back to your selfish life! Aunt's friend: If you want to call me selfish, I don't care. No family was deprived because I had an abortion. There are already plenty of kids available for adoption. Mother: How do you know there wasn't a family close to you that didn't want that baby? Did you think of that? There's always a better option than murdering your baby! (My aunt has had enough, so she interferes) Aunt: You wanna know something? [Her friend]'s parents put her up for adoption. Guess what? She never had a permanent home as a child! Never had a stable place to live! Couldn't even make friends as a kid because she moved so much! You wanna talk about selfish? One family she was with let their kids bully [friend]. Those kids tortured her everyday she was there and the parents did nothing. They only cared about the money that came with it. [Friend] wanted to kill herself before because she felt no one wanted her. She never had anyone there was for her! Aunt's Friend: No one except [my aunt]. She's the closest to a mother I've ever had. She gave me a home until I could help myself. I did consider giving the baby I aborted up for adoption, but I couldn't risk it having the same childhood I did and I know I am not cut out to be a mother, so keeping it wasn't an option for me either. So you tell me which is selfish. Or more selfish. Mother: *silence*
When my aunt came back and I told her I heard everything, she said to me the moral of that story is to never be judgmental because you don't know who you're talking to.
_________________ I will follow the path I want, not the path everyone else wants.
Joined: Sun Jul 17, 2011 12:30 am Posts: 2176 Location: Narnia
Exactly. That woman had no idea who she was talking to, what the friend's reasons were, or what her life was like in the past or now. She was too wrapped up in her own idea of "abortion is bad" to stop and think for two seconds that maybe, possibly, not everyone wants to deal with birth and adoption and that doesn't make them "selfish."
I think shoving your personal beliefs down someone else's throat and guilting them for making different choices is selfish.
_________________ If you look like you can be taken advantage of, don't act like it, because then you will be.
Adoption wouldn't solve the problem of the horrible physical effects of pregnancy/childbirth. Vaginal tearing anyone?
I hate this anti abortion "argument". No one is obligated to breed just to give it away to some selfish yuppie couple.
Most adoptive parents are only interested in young, white, healthy children anyway. There are plenty of children available for adoption. I hate the suggestion that women who get abortions are selfish and "depriving" adoptive couples of babies. No, the adoptive couples who refuse to adopt any of the hundreds of thousands of children already in the adoption system are the ones who are selfish.
_________________ The worst STD is pregnancy.
Last edited by Suri on Tue Jun 26, 2012 8:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.
It's always stated so simplistically, isn't it? Like "Gosh, it's just childbirth. What's your problem?"
People are idiots.
If your Aunt's friend was selfish for not giving birth and giving the child to a family who wanted it, then that mother was ALSO selfish for not giving birth and giving a child to a couple who wanted it--more so, if she gave birth to a baby she wanted and kept it all to her selfish hipocrite self. How can she not see that? Re: adoption, How is giving something away that you don't want, not a selfish act? Wouldn't it be more selfless to give away something you wanted?
I think people confuse being responsible with being selfless. They are not the same.
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