Welcome! We all have our own paths - some early articulators, some of us took a bit longer, some are still on the fence, some thought they wanted kids and after some heartaches found this option. I think we might even have some step parents who realized that what they had was plenty.
There's also a wide range of attitudes towards kids - we even have some nannies on the board, along with some devoted aunts and uncles. There are a few extremes but most of us can and do differentiate between parents and "breeders" - that is, those who reproduce but have no intention of actually turning that new person into a productive, beneficial member of society. Instead they either ignore the child or dote upon them to the point of making them tyrants. Neither makes for good people.
Sorry that your path included pain but I hope, now that you're here, you can be thankful for the life you dodged.
You know what? When I was in my early twenties I couldn't wait to have kids. And I wanted a lot of them too! A few years ago I was working at a place that was full of bullies and managers that would manipulate and intimidate me. I was desperately unhappy, crying all the time. One of my colleagues said to me "Just have kids. Then you won't care about work anymore, all you care about are how happy your kids are" and I'll be honest .. I thought she was right. I even discussed with hubby how soon we could afford to start trying. Fortunately, I got myself out of that horrible job into another one that I just love and I realised that if we had of had a baby I would probably still be unhappy.
The older I get the less I want kids. And I am just now deciding that I think I want to be CF for ever. The hard thing is - whatever you decide, it's permanent. If decide to have kids, you have them for life. If you decide you don't want kids then you'll get to an age where you can't concieve even if you change your mind. I think it's the permanence of that decision that freaks me out a bit.
_________________ I can say whatever I want. So do not bring the kids - Kathy Griffin
Tish, kids in your life pretty much last forever! But, if you have no kids in your life it's pretty easy to get them -- adoption, fostering, IVF, surrogacy, or just volunteering to help children's charities. Easier to get kids in your life than to get them out!
Joined: Mon May 23, 2011 8:52 pm Posts: 3304 Location: Chicago, IL
As others have mentioned, there is a good mix of childfree people on here, as well as fencesitters, ones who've recently made decisions like yours, and others - like me - who did at one point think that having a baby is what should be done, until we realized we had a choice in the matter. You're in good company.
_________________ 80% of success is showing up - Woody Allen
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