A friend of mine sent me this website link today...

http://beta.savvyauntie.com/Expertise.aspx

It is a website for Savvy Aunties (and uncles too). The site is for PANKs..Professional Aunt, No Kids. I love it.
There was an article in the Washington Post about this site. Here is the article. I thought this was great - and interesting. I enjoy being a godmother/aunt, even if I do not want my own kids, and this is a great site for others like me (and like us)!

Read on....
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/parent ... -col-blogs

Posted at 7:00 AM ET, 08/18/2008
A Web Site for the Professional Aunt
By Sharon McLoone
washingtonpost.com staff writer

Mothers spend about $1.7 trillion annually on consumer products, but mothers are only about 50 percent of women in the United States. What about the other 50 percent?

Chances are moms and dads leave their kids in the care of this group more than they may think - they're the Professional Aunts No Kids, or PANKs, and although they may not have children of their own, kids are still front and center in their lives.

Melanie Notkin is a PANK and the founder of a new Web site SavvyAuntie.com. She started the business -- after a lucrative career in marketing communications at firms such as The New York Times and L'Oreal -- because she's an aunt.

"My nephew was born seven years ago, and from the day he was born, I didn't want him to think that I was a grown-up playmate. I wanted him to know I'm family," she said. Plus, everywhere she turned, all the fashionable Manhattanite could find was references to aunts as "blue-haired old ladies."

"Here I am, a New York cosmopolitan woman, and when I'd go to brunch with my friends on a Sunday morning instead of being like 'Sex and the City,' it was like Aunts and the City - all we'd talk about is our nieces and nephews," said Notkin, who now has six nieces.

But there are scads of listservs, Web sites, magazines and more geared toward parents. "It's a mommy club, and not being a mom makes you feel excluded," she said. "It's like walking into a maternity store when you're not pregnant. You feel like a stranger, and so I wanted to create a parenting site for non-parents."

Notkin saw a huge opportunity to fill a void -- offer resources to aunts, whether an aunt by relation or an aunt by choice like mom's best friends. "It's a community for the cool aunts, great aunts, godmothers and others to connect and learn," she said. It also offers a column written by an uncle.

She wanted aunts out there to have all the tools they need to cope with being a secondary parent because sometimes parents may not think a person without a kid could handle having a child over for a sleepover.

Notkin points out the differences between her site and parenting sites. A parenting site wouldn't necessarily offer long-distance activities to do with a child, but Notkin mentions that PANKs "buy gifts differently than parents do." The site also has a section dedicated to aunts who must cope with the special needs of their nieces and nephews. Although Notkin is the site's primary editor, it includes expert advice on topics ranging from coping with loss to care packages for a niece away at camp.

While my sisters, with children of their own, don't fit into the PANK category, my kids still have a "PUNK." He's an actor who jets back and forth between New York and Los Angeles. He's now in Beijing working for a Web site covering the Olympics. Next month, he'll be shooting a national-release movie, and he's got a recurring role on a national soap opera.

He lavishes our kids, 4 and 2, with expensive gifts. He calls them every day, and they talk to him for hours via video using Skype. His friends call the kids on their birthdays because he talks about them so much. He is awesome, but could he be left alone with the dynamic duo? What about the hair-pulling and the constant runny nose? My brother-in-law constantly wipes down our counters when he comes to visit and is germ-phobic. That's not necessarily a bad thing, especially when you're in charge of wee ones. Although he of the nose that's accustomed to fancy cologne can't quite bring himself to change a diaper, in a few years, I can't wait till he can take them to Broadway shows and do other fun PUNK activities.

Notkin offers that initially she really hadn't thought about the site from a mom's perspective. But, the auntrepreneur said: "I met a mom who said she's telling every other parent about the site to pass along so a sister or a best friend can engage in this knowledge to become better aunts."

She may be onto something. The day her site launched last month she was contacted by national brands that are looking to advertise on her site as well as a large venture capital firm. Last week, she was at Ford Motors test driving cars. As a city girl, she doesn't own a car, but Ford reached out to her. It wants to know about women and cars, especially those women who might want to purchase a luxury vehicle that can handle the occasional juice box disaster on its leather seats.

So do you think a Web site like this is filling a void? Are there other good resources out there for aunts and uncles who don't have kids?

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"Ordinary life does not interest me. I seek only the high moments. I am in accord with the surrealists, searching for the marvelous."
-Anais Nin-

I looked at the site just a bit, and on one hand, I think it's a cool idea. On the other hand I think it's just one more site that tells us we're all supposed to be devoted to children. But I love my niece and nephews, and maybe there are some good ideas there. I'll be sure to check it out and see what I really think after I look at it more.

I'd like to see some coping ideas... Like what to do when you want to be Super Cool Aunt and Uncle, but the parents spoil the kids already. Such was the case with my nephews who are now 16 and 20. My niece (3 this month) on the other hand, is going to be fun to spoil. Her parents are raising her with boundries and good manners.

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~Kim
"To know what you prefer instead of humbly saying Amen to what the world tells you you ought to prefer, is to have kept your soul alive." ~Robert Louis Stevenson

There's a mom (who's also an aunt) who takes on a scolding tone there about one of the articles. Nobody's challenged her. The question is, are these PANKs (professional aunts, no kids) expected to bow and scrape to the parents involved, or (as is often true in real life) be pivotal resources in the parents' and kids' lives?

This could get interesting.

Soooo true.

I read an article about this site too, over the weekend, and thought, How interesting! A site for me finally, after all the mommy-everything, and checked it out. My first reaction was, This looks like a mommy-site. From the photos, I can't even tell the difference. Most aunts must be a lot more into it then me.

I have 7 nieces and nephews, and 2 godchildren, and the home page of the site didn't really "speak" to me, so what does that mean?

So, I gave it another chance this morning after you posted it and actually read that same article (of course I waded through all the kid-related stuff and the only thing I was interested enough in clicking was the "for you" section...what does that say?), and liked it. I totally related, and feel like I've been in those situations many times. Then I read that one comment saying it was too negative, and it smacked of the "forum that shall be not be named".

I'll probably keep watching now though, because it's true, it might get interesting.

edited to add: I love the idea, and don't mean to dump on their site, I was just a little taken aback that it was so kid-centric. But, I guess that's what being an Aunt means...it's a name that's all about a relationship with a child, so it is what it is. I do like the idea of a site for Aunts, and once I got in and actually read an article, it was good.

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distant relative of a lima bean

I'm not an aunt, and I'm uninterested in 95% of kid-centric things, so I didn't go to the site. Honestly, besides worrying about the future of my almost-step daughter, and providing her with a little entertainment on her occasional visits, I have no interest in kids at all. If my brother or either of M's siblings have kids, I'll probably opt not to be heavily involved. My best girlfriend will eventually have kids if she's physically able, and I'll be the "cool aunt" in that case, whether I really want to or not, but she no longer lives locally and isn't likely to live close to me for a very long time, so there will be little to worry about.

PANKs is a cute idea, and I'm sure they enjoy their website, but the more press it gets, the more it will feed the impression that all CL/CF folks are hunting around the family tree, looking for a kid to worship. SO not the case!
~S

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I would have preferred to battle the valiant, but I guess you'll have to do.

I don't bow and scrape to anyone--especially children. Our nephews always had fun with us, but they knew we had rules. I like to think we had a positive influence on them by teaching them things their parents didn't. I don't bow and scrape to their parents either. We did things with the boys on our terms. If you're going to whine and throw a tantrum, you're going home. If you want an expensive milk shake, we'll got separate cups and you'll share it with your brother. (No child needs $4, 32 oz cup of milkshake he's not going to finish anyway.) The little one only tried the tantrum thing once once and he backed down once he realized we were serious.

Because their parents hardly ever said no (and make more money than we do) we decided to teach the boys that fun things don't have to be expensive:

1) We went to a local drug store and bought kites in the bargain bin ($2 each) and took them to the park to fly them.

2) We loaded up thier pockets with drugstore candy and took them to a matinee.

3) We took them hiking in the local canyons.

4) We Watched all three of the original Star Wars, ate icream sundaes and hung out at the house.

5) We went to Chuck E Cheese and told them up front how much they could spend on tokens or prizes.

6) We bought a $5 pizza and took it to the local sports park and watched some kids play hockey. I let my nephews explain the game to me and they enjoyed teaching me about it.

7) We took them to a local hobby shop and bought them each model cars ($8) and put them together. Later we took them back to the shop to race the cars on the big track (free). They liked them so much, they brought the cars each time they visited so we could go to the hobby store and race some more.

None of these things were expensive, but they were fun and entertained them for several hours. Each time the boys saw us, they would say, "Remember when we did X. That was so fun!" so I know they enjoyed it.

I still cringe when one of them talks about his $400 paint ball gun and the other one says a new cell phone is "only $100 and would make a good stocking stuffer", but I can't say I didn't try my best. I like to think that we helped them realize that you don't always have to spend a lot of money to have a good time.

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~Kim
"To know what you prefer instead of humbly saying Amen to what the world tells you you ought to prefer, is to have kept your soul alive." ~Robert Louis Stevenson

If I'm brutally honest...if I had to "cope" with a niece or nephew then I probably wouldn't see much of him/her...
I have a close relationship with my almost 17 year old nephew for a few reasons:-
- he was a well behaved, pleasant, intelligent and co-operative child;
- he enjoyed being part of my day &
- I didn't need to "babysit" him...we'd negotiate our day...shopping, lunch and then the adventure playground. So, we both had a say in our day.
- he was old enough when we spent time together to handle the toilet, blowing his nose etc...
- he could be trusted in antique shops, cafes, bookshops etc.
- he's great company, keen to learn and debate all sorts of topics...he also, loves responsibility.
- he was the only child in the family for 16 years. (we have 2 nephews on my DH's side but they live interstate) More than one child is usually too much for me...arguments, noise, raised voices...then it becomes arbitrate, discipline & supervise....
- his parents lived close by...as my nephew was a nice child, we spent time socializing together and they spent weekends with us at our country cottage. (sold a few years ago)
So, there was frequent contact...

My nephew has always called me by my first name...in fact, he calls all my siblings by their first names as well...it's not a precocious thing, he was never trained in the "Auntie Deb's here" thing...his parents always said, "Here's Deb"...so, I was never Auntie...and being the only child for 16 years, he didn't hear Auntie Deb from anywhere else...
It's funny how those things stick - I still call my Aunts...Auntie S or H...I should call them by their first names but it's a habit - the Auntie comes out automatically....also, I'd have felt a bit uncomfortable calling some of my older Aunts by their first name - they might have considered it rude or presumptuous....
So, all these things contributed to our closeness...I saw a fair bit of my Aunts when I was growing up but I'm not close to any of them - they were all busy with their families. I liked my father's older sisters but we didn't see a lot of them...(neither liked kids and my parents had 5 kids including a very difficult son)

Again, being brutally honest, I've never looked/needed to include kids in my life - I prefer adult company.
I don't enjoy babysitting or childcare (did it once when I was 16 and decided to get a job at the local service station instead)
I have no patience with little kids and no stomach for dirty nappies etc...(I've never changed a nappy in my life)
I've also, thoroughly enjoyed having my nephew in my life and watching him grow and develop as a person...
I do enjoy the company of some older kids...
I certainly don't dislike kids...I just don't want to care for them and prefer adult company & activities.
So, I probably wouldn't look at a website for aunts...
There are two new babies in the family - I won't have much to do with them until they're older but again, the amount of time I spend with them will depend on their personalities & behaviour...also, contact...I travel a lot more these days.
People don't ask us to babysit....they know we struggle with little kids.
I wouldn't agree to look after a baby - I don't feel qualified - IMO it's far too much responsibility.

I'm over here and you're over there so I know we're not the same person, Deb, but still...sometimes I swear we're the same person.

I've never changed a diaper. My niece is nearly three and still in diapers (which I think is rediculous, but it's not up to me) so I'm waiting to be able to spend more time with her on our own. We only spent time with the older nephew until the younger one was older, out of diapers, and calmer. Later we did stuff on our own with both of them, but not till they were like 10 and 6. Overnights were few. Usually we just took them out for 2 or 3 hours at a time until they were much older.

I've never babysat, even as a teen.

I too prefer spending time with adults and adult activities. I have no desire to spend time with children (ie big sisters, etc.) except for my nephews and niece because they're family and I remember how much I loved spending time with my aunts. If the boys were brats, I'd have sent them home. I won't put up with bratty kids, relatives or not. Life's too short.

We're trying to consciously spend more time with our niece than we did with the boys. We aren't having kids and it will be nice to have a relationship with her when we are all older. If she's anything like her parents, she will be an honest, hardworking, and loyal and will maintain a relationship with us. I'm not looking for someone to take care of us when we are old, but it will be nice to have someone from a younger generation to spend holidays (I mean Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc) with and just spend time with. My family is slowly scattering all over the US and family holidays are really important to me.

I've browsed the website again and I don't see much there for me. It really does seem more like a parents' board, but if it helps some people, it's good that it's there.

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~Kim
"To know what you prefer instead of humbly saying Amen to what the world tells you you ought to prefer, is to have kept your soul alive." ~Robert Louis Stevenson

Deborah and Red, a lot of what you said could have come right out of my mouth.
I have two nephews and one niece. They live in a different country so I don't see them that much, maybe once or twice a year. I try to do something with each child (and just with them) every time I see them, something that is fun and just one-on-one time with them. I also have never baby sat and never changed a baby. Doesn't sound like much fun to me. The kids have always called me by first name ever since they could speak, my sister never said "auntie is coming"... she called me by my name and so do the kids now. Can't imagine it any other way.

Anyway, the one interesting article I saw on the site was "what should you do if you prefer one kid over the other(s)". Deborah, you have been very lucky with your well-behaved 17 year old. My nephew is also 17. When he was born, he was a little dick and now he's a big dick. I'm sorry, but he is just impossible to be with. Oh well, he is not my child and not my responsibility, and if he cannot learn the basics of polite behaviour, then he has to bear the consequences. In the meantime, I am available to him if he wants and continue to spend time with the other two.

It's not always fun and games...Of course, his mom thinks it's not his fault...

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Ciao,
Fatina

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission" - E. Roosevelt

I did not bother reading the site either! I am a great aunt. Both of my nieces have kids. The oldest niece has 2 kids from different fathers, but I will say she has done well for herself and takes good care of her kids. She has been with the same company since she was in high school and has been promoted again. The other niece, well that's a different story. She cannot keep a job and essentially my sister is raising her 2 year old. Apparently she is back in school and my parents are paying for her tuition. My mother told her this was her chance to turn herself around and if she screws it up, my parents will not help her out anymore. Hope she gets it together. I don't have a relationship with my nieces because they live in a different state. When my younger sister visited them several years ago, she said it was pure hell. Just drama. Wonder why I have nothing to do with them!

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"A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new"~Einstein