I spent 2 hours at the zoo today with DH's friend's wife and daughter, the one who is a SAHM but seems like she hates it.
OMG, I wanted to run screaming for the hills. I always thought this was a good mom, but I don't know. After today, I'm not so sure. She gave into almost every little thing that her 4-year-old girl wanted, and when she DIDN'T give in, she was doing the "let's try to reason with the child while she continues to do exactly what she wants."
It took us 2 hours to visit 3 places. I take my nephew to the zoo, he can walk around like a normal child without throwing fits because he wants ice cream.
Thank god I had to take some DVDs to a client, so I had to leave after 2 hours of this.
However, the girl's young cousin was visiting (that's why they were at the zoo.) She was amazing. She's about 13. I've read books (usually thrillers or mysteries) where the main character is around 30 and somehow ends up living with/traveling with a young female relation - maybe because the girl's parents are on vacation, or they've died, or whatever. The young character is always about 13, wise beyond her years without being arrogant or annoying, and more like an equal to the older character.
That's what this girl was like. We held very interesting conversations the whole time about her travels (she's been all over the world with her parents) and she asked very intelligent questions about my interests and work. We got on great. I think she liked me, too. I was sorry that I had to leave her. She was about the coolest kid I've ever met. And I generally hate teenagers. I told DH I wanted to adopt her.
_________________ I'd rather be nine people's favorite thing than a hundred people's ninth favorite thing. - [title of show]
Some teenagers can be wonderful. I was on a tour in Italy a few years back, and one couple had their 12 year old daughter with them. What a great kid. I never once heard her whine or complain, even toward the end of the trip when she was obviously exhausted, and she could have an intelligent conversation with whatever adult happened to be sitting next to her. She'd also been all over the world with her parents, starting from the time she was a few months old, so she was quite the seasoned traveller - I was jealous! I spoke with her mother a year later, the daughter had broken her leg ski racing and had just come out of plaster - so they were going to Paris for the weekend to celebrate. Must be nice.
Contrast this to the teenager I saw in Greece, walking back to the hotel. She was just going off on her parents - "I hate it here. Why did you bring me here?" and her parents were just shuffling along with their heads down, not saying a word while their kid pitched a fit. If that had been my kid, it would have scored a slap upside the head quick smart. You're in one of the most gorgeous places on the planet, you spoiled, obnoxious little brat. Grow up and learn to appreciate it.
_________________ "Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you're stupid and make bad decisions."
Joined: Thu Jul 10, 2008 1:33 am Posts: 986 Location: Melbourne, Australia
My nephew is 17 in September... We really enjoy each other's company and have travelled together quite a few times. I know not all teenagers are like him - he grew up surrounded by adults so, he's quite mature for his age. He still relates to his peers though...he just doesn't have THAT attitude.... Because he was the only grandchild for many years...we happily included him in our activities... If he'd been one of 3 or a difficult child, I doubt we would be close....we'd have a more conventional aunt-nephew relationship - not a friendship. My brother's stepsons both have attitude - they sulk, shout...they're rude and socially inept...lack motivation, they're very poor company. I think some of it is genetic but most of it, is environment. Giving kids responsibility, attention/guidance, discipline & encouragement...IMO it pays of big time in the end....
Joined: Fri Jul 11, 2008 5:26 am Posts: 605 Location: Europe - Italy
Deborah, what you are describing makes me think of my nephew. He's 17 now, but I swear he came out of his mother's womb already ornery! He has no social skills (eye contact, please, thank you, the basics, you know). He cannot relate to others in a polite way. He poisons the atmosphere every time he walks into a room with his sour attitude. I know that his parents are at fault for many of these things and this should have been addressed when he was 8, now it's too late. When I talked to his mom (my sis) about him a few years ago, she said "that's his character - he can't help it"... Now, I'm sure that once he goes into university and will have to find his way around in society, to include his first workplace experiences, nobody will be interested to hear that. In fact, I am now starting to exclude him as well. Since he chooses not to talk to me, look at me or in any other way interact, I say "that's fine" and leave him alone. My attitude is that he is grown up now and has to learn that there are consequences to his behaviour. It cannot be excused or tolerated forever. After all, I'm not his mom and I don't HAVE TO put up with it.
His younger brother and sister are sweethearts and I enjoy their company immensely.
_________________ Ciao, Fatina
"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission" - E. Roosevelt
Fatina, Your description of your nephew made me wonder, do you think that is something that can be trained into kids when they are little? Most parents I've seen push their kids to say the right things to be polite (please, thank you, etc.) As the person being addressed, it's always a bit awkward to have someone thank you for something only after they've been reminded, or prodded into doing it right in front of you. But it's so common, I always assumed it was necessary when kids are that little, so I am more understanding about it. It's certainly not normal for people to automatically know how to do it, so they have to learn somehow.
Do you think your SIL just didn't bother with that, or was he untrainable? Maybe he's slightly autistic. It sounds a little bit like that with the lack of eye contact and no social skills. I usually observe how kids like that interact with their peers. It's one thing if they're shy, or just haven't learned how to relate to adults, but if they're fine with peers but only rude to adults, than that's just bad training IMO.
Joined: Thu Jun 12, 2008 10:31 pm Posts: 2140 Location: Southern California
How odd. We go to the zoo too. You don't have to like kids. You have to like ANIMALS. Uh, it's a ZOO...
_________________ ~Kim "To know what you prefer instead of humbly saying Amen to what the world tells you you ought to prefer, is to have kept your soul alive." ~Robert Louis Stevenson
That sounds like the attitude that adults without children shouldn't want to go to Disney World or some other big entertainment park, because "that is just for kids." It most certainly seems like some people, when turning into parents, have forgotten how to be a big kid (since their kids are their lives) and enjoy the simple things by themselves.
I don't know about others, but at least with me, I know that I am a big kid at heart and I enjoy the simpler pleasures.
Disney is huge amounts of fun. I went with a friend of mine, I would have been about 26 and she was almost 40, and we acted like morons, went on every ride and had an absolute blast. Things like that are only spoiled if you have to take kids with you, and put up with them all day. Otherwise, they're great for adults. I'm still dying to go to the LA Six Flags and ride rollercoasters until I puke.
I don't like zoos, but I can see how they'd make a great day out for a couple. Besides, everyone seems to think that their kids should be allowed to go anywhere and do anything these days, there's no damn places left to even be an "adult" unless you're into bars and casinos.
_________________ "Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you're stupid and make bad decisions."
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