Joined: Tue Nov 03, 2009 4:07 pm Posts: 9237 Location: Oklahoma City, OK
Probably not. I can feel for your brother though. It is tough being the link between people who don't get along, especially if it's family.
_________________ Rating: Awesome We found your keys, so if you want 'em, you better come and get 'em. WWWYKI There's no sense crying over every mistake. You just keep on trying till you run out of cake.
When you were informed that you were disowned, you should have said "Is that a threat or a promise?"
I feel for your "nice brother", try not to put him in the position of having to choose you over the rest of the family (I'm sure the rest of the family will probably do it for you). Just be his friend and steer away from family business.
Thanks, guys! Yes DVH and Pony, I told him not to worry about trying to be the moderator. He had enough to worry about.
Shy, I'm sorry that you are having family trouble, too.
Maura, TBH, it's been a little tough getting my point across, because I'm trying not to offend him. He has kids as well, and none of them were planned either, and he also borrowed Lots of money... So, he defends sissy w/5 a bit, saying she just "wants what's best for her kids" and says nobody understands why I got so upset and turned her down, including him. He didn't know that they asked me to dump my fiancé and live monastically if I inherited the kids. Again, he defended her, talking about sissy only trying to do what she thought was best, but that he can understand how I'd be insulted because my fiancé is a good man and wouldn't hurt anyone. But, "a mother would do anything to ensure the safety of her kids." (Me thinking ---> ) "And I love him." I said. "I love my nieces and nephews, too, but I don't feel that it was reasonable for them to expect me to give up my relationship with the man that I love, and told them so. They didnt like it, and here we are. Anyway, let's hope sis lives a good long life and nobody will have to worry about 'who gets the kids' anyway." So, it's kinda complicated. I can tell that he sides more with them, because he can relate, but still seems to care about me.
Sounds like with this bunch, the opposite of being disowned by them is seriously being "owed" by them. As in being their servant. Disowned is much better.
I'll go a little further and speculate that when you were in the will, she probably willed some crap to you that nobody in their right mind would ever want, so you have to do the work of getting rid of the crap. That's worse than not getting anything.
Talk about cutting the nose off to spite the face. I bet they were hoping throwing this kind of hissyfit at you will make you come crawling back, beg for forgiveness, and they will deign to forgive you if you give them everything they want. Ha! Joke's on them!
If sis "wanted what's best for her kids", why doesn't she work to straighten out her life? You know, get into a stable home/work situation, get her kids some counseling, "clean up her act". As a matter of a fact if she really wanted what was best for her kids, she probably wouldn't have even had the last 2 or 3 and concentrated on making sure the older ones got a decent shot at a life.
She doesn't want what's best for her kids, she wants you to bail out her bad decisions and ruined life like you have done so many times before, and was shocked (SHOCKED!, I tell you when) you shut off the money tap.
There is a fable about a Goose and Golden eggs that seems appropriate.
_________________ WWTLD --- What Would Tyrion Lannister Do?
I agree, pony. However, all of my siblings have unplanned kids, and our views would be unpopular (scandalous! They might burn us at the stake!) to say the least. All parents are saints in eyes of my family. They are the righteous, good people here, who did what they were supposed to do: have a bunch of kids. Kids = life script = good. I am scum because I didn't hop on every ejaculating man within a 10 mile radius and then poop out a bunch of fatherless kids that I'd need help taking care of. (I got a doctorate instead! Oops!) Yeah, so in the eyes of my family, I am the asshole here, and should beg my sister for forgiveness. She is the sweet, innocent single-mommy victim, and I'm a mean ol' wicked witch.
Why do people make a mess and then get pissed when you don't feel elated to clean it up? Why do they treat it like its your responsibility to take care of the kids they created when we never asked them to make those kids and had absolutely no say in whether they were created or not? I do not understand. Maybe I should ask them. What have I got to lose now?
Another question you should ask is if they would ever deny themselves or their kids one single luxury in order to return one cent of the money they borrowed from you. Not that you expect it back, but that they respect you enough to forgo one tiny luxury (like, say, a stick of gum) to show that they do value you and what you have done for them.
I personally know what is it like not to be respected by family members because DH and I don't have kids. It's like they actually believe that all we have is theirs for the asking because we don't have any kids or grandkids to support.
May I add another question to the list of rhetorical ones up there? Why aren't you allowed to say no? When asking a favor of another human being, whether it be a noble quest or not, doesn't that human being have the right to say no to said request? They might not like it, but it's a crying shame that they don't respect you as an individual with goals and desires that you might not want to squelch just because they want you to...
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