Ah, nice try, black sheep, but the grandparents are in "fragile health" (cough! Cough! Sneeze! Sniffle! Hack!) and " won't be around forever..." besides, they "already raised their children," while their selfish, immature childfree, unburdened next of kin has raised nary a one. It builds character, and they believe they have enough character already. And its not like its a life sentence or anything. Nope, nope. They insist that you "step up" and take care of YOUR responsibility.
Joined: Thu Dec 29, 2011 11:58 am Posts: 230 Location: Ham Lake, Minnesota
I have a brother with two kids, divorced, mother is a piece of work (she herself was raised in the foster system, her mother was an alcoholic, she has fetal alcohol syndrome, diabetes, addiction, etc). He hasn't taken care of himself in the past though I guess he's doing better now. He's 10 years older than me and we're not real close. Should anything happen to him, I would only take his kids if the ONLY other options were their mother or the foster system. These kids have issues and would be difficult to deal with. Luckily, I have two siblings who would be able to care for them and my parents would do so if needed (both in their 70's so not ideal). My sister has all adult children so would have the space and time to take them. My other brother's wife home schools their daughter (who I would have no problem taking in, she's 16 and a very good kid) so would be home all the time for them.
_________________ Julie Nonskin-kids: 2 Danes, 1 Terrier mix, 5 cats, 2 parrots, 2 snakes, always a foster dog
Joined: Tue Jun 05, 2012 5:10 pm Posts: 11 Location: Kansas City, Missouri
I would say it is at least the parents or the grandparent's fiscal responsibility then. IF, and this is a BIG IF, I were to take on the responsibility I would expect to be paid a salary for it. That's right, a salary - not just their expenses but compensation for my husband and my time. It sounds harsh, but... it's another job!
I have a similar conversation with my best friend(minus the 5 kids) about her daughter... My friend lost both her parents, so there is no grandparent in the equation and her siblings have never been there for her. It bums me out because she can see the look on my face when she speculates about what would happen to her child if she died/had a bad accident.
I think people should think about their support systems before they start popping out babies. That whole "village to raise a child" concept will hold as long as people are able to reproduce. I just don't want to have any part to do with that village, thank you.
In the scenario you provided, I would try my best to find them good homes, and try to negotiate some sort of system where I can check to see how they are getting by. That's about it, though. I don't want a single child of my own so why in the world would I take on another person's FIVE children, especially if they have emotional issues that will require me to work twice as hard as most people who actually do want children?! Not just no, but HELL NO!
Last edited by dirtybloodyheart on Tue Jun 05, 2012 9:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I don't think many people can comprehend someone not wanting to have kids-especially their precious kids-and it's more convenient for them not to care about what the next of kin wants, anyway. Everyone likes kids, right? Right? I mean, nobody is really child free by choice-- I mean they grow out of it-after they find the right partner and want to settle down. Amirte people? They'd be doing the child free family member a big favor giving them 5 spirited indigo children to grow up and be all responsible for.
Oh yes, and they don't like your significant other, so they want you to dump them for the good of the kids.
This is something that worries me too... DH's brother and wife have 4, ranging in age from 17 to 4 (I think; I have a hard time keeping them straight). They made us the eldest's Godparents without asking (I'm Atheist, DH is Agnostic) and I don't know about the others... We're already having to subsidise their and the Grandparents lives due to some seriously f'd up financial shenanigans. The biggest issue? We live in the US and they're in the UK, so I don't know WTF would happen with Immigration if something went wrong. I know I really don't want them, and I already resent having to pay for someone else's kids...
On our last visit back (last November), my SIL mentioned at dinner how she'd love another baby.
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