Not my kids, not my responsibility. I didn't have a say in whether or not my siblings breed, why should I owe them anything? I don't see why major aspects of my life should be subject the the choices of other people.
I woul only take in a particular some of a particular friend of mine because I agreed o be his godmother.
_________________ Don't compare your child to my dog, it's an insult to my dog.
Sticking to my resolve is proving really hard for me, but I'm getting better, and only gave my nice brother about half of what I would have given before.
I need to take care of my own family. I can't afford to go back to my old ways and be okay. My fiancé and I deserve to live safely and feel secure and enjoy the fruits of our own labor. I have helped my siblings all of my life, even taking responsibility for things they did so they wouldn't get beaten to a pulp by our mother. I'd take their beating. They gladly stood aside and let me. Even though we're all grown, we seem to have retained our childhood roles. I'm stepping up therapy, and won't offer any more assistance. I'm realizing that it's probably best for them, too, to let them figure ways out of their own problems.
Joined: Sun Sep 20, 2009 11:58 am Posts: 6058 Location: London, England
SW, I really hope you don’t mind me saying this and I really am saying it in your best interests (yes I know that makes me sound like a parent!)….
I’ve only just read that your brother’s wife is pregnant again. How far along is she? If they were trying then this might be why he emerged as the “nice” one? Or did they even know already when he came forward to be the nice one?
I am sorry to be the one to say it but as you’ve already been asked for yet more money, I can’t help thinking it.
I think that you need to say that’s absolutely it. Why did they ask you for anything anyway, in the current circumstances? You’ve just made it clear to him how much you’ve spent helping out and he asks for more and the baby isn’t even born yet?!
If you really feel unable to say no in future, is it worth making up a lie and saying you’ve lost your job or something?
_________________ "Life is a matter of passing time enjoyably. There may be other things in life, but I've been too busy passing my time enjoyably to think very deeply about them." Peter Cook
Joined: Tue Mar 29, 2011 2:32 am Posts: 1041 Location: Canada
I personally don't believe lying will help. It's a short term solution that will simply create more problems in the future - that is the nature of a lie. I hope you can stay strong and realize you are not their whipping board. You are a kind and generous person - but if you allow others to treat you this way, you're disrespecting yourself. You deserve better than that - and I think you know it deep down. I truly hope I'm not sounding rude - I have your best interests at heart and wish nothing but goodness for your life.
_________________ "We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are." - Anais Nin
Selfishwoman, sorry that you are going through this. Your family has no right to use and abuse you. You are not responsible for your irresponsible sibling. Family or not, I would tell that leech to get off of my ass and take care of their own crap.
Update: I received an invitation in the mail (to my work) for a "Family meeting." It's a potluck dinner, and the point of the shindig is to try to fix our family dysfunction and "achieve peace and unity before the holidays." It's being hosted by my oldest brother's latest wife. She sent a personal note in my envelope saying how sorry she is that I've withdrawn from the family, and hopes I can forgive them for not lending a hand when we needed it. That's nice of her, isn't it? I feel like sending her a little "thank you " note for attempting this mission impossible. I highly doubt that any of my family will show up. If she had it catered, they'd be there with bells on, but potluck? Doesn't she know these people have kids? They can't be spending time and effort and money on "family" that isn't nuclear. Duh! Besides, nothing is ever wrong in my family. Everything is always perfect. That's the party line. I hope she doesn't catch too much flak for suggesting otherwise, especially from our sainted matriarch. Nice sentiment, though.
She sent a personal note in my envelope saying how sorry she is that I've withdrawn from the family, and hopes I can forgive them for not lending a hand when we needed it. That's nice of her, isn't it?
She's saying she's sorry for something you've done. No, I do not find that nice at all.
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