selfishwoman, I sincerely hope you don't inherit those kids. But, if you do, remember, it takes a village. If you're gonna be miserable, you make sure and make everyone else miserable too! Those siblings that already have family -- you gotta insist they do their part as well.

No way. The other siblings with kids can add a few more to their own brood. I would not mind helping out finanically, but there is no way I could/would raise all those kids. I would be polite but firm in your "no, I cannot."

_________________
I'm the lead character in my life.

SelfishWoman just say no, why should you suffer for someone else's mistake.

Ah, the joys of the enmeshed family. Your time, life and resources arent yours but community property to be doled out at out at your family's discretion.

You're not dysfunctional for saying "no" and taking charge of your own life. They're dysfunctional for resenting you for it.

Methinks they've watched too many crappy movies where the "flighty" aunt/uncle sudden has to raise some kids and wacky hijinks ensue, ending with the aunt/uncle becoming a responsible and properly sanctimonious parent.


I don't know how that would work. Can a contract be drawn up to this effect? Though even that might not help. What I'm picturing is that the parents/grandparents would agree just to suck you in, soon they would stop paying you, and you're stuck. What are you supposed to do? Dump the 5 kids off on the steps of a church?

Anyway, for me, even being paid doesn't make it okay (not like it's a job you have the option of quitting if they stop paying you or it starts being too much of a drain on you).


Ha! I would probably kill them. Don't dump them with me if you want them to survive to adulthood is what I would say.

My answer would be no. Sorry, but a big reason of the reason I'm childfree is because I know I could not handle the responsibility. Plus, I'm not the one who was irresponsible, so why should I have to take responsibility for someone else's actions? If they try to guilt me into it, that would be the moment I realized these people are toxic and I do not need them in my life.


No, less appealing! They can go to foster care and I'd check up on them every week, but I would not take them on.

If that's their reasoning, then sorry, but they either take the kids or the kids go into foster care. They probably wanted the grandkids, so they can have them.

That's definitely not happening! Even if I were willing to take them in, I would not dump my (hypothetical) spouse!

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Selfishwoman, you are not wrong or selfish for refusing to take them. I bet even if you did take them in, your family would still give you crap about how you're taking care of them. And it's never "'til the littlest one is 18". It IS a life sentence! You should not have to be burdened with that. I know it might hurt you a lot to do so, but you need to tell your family they either take the kids or the kids go into foster care. They might hate you, but from the sounds of it, they don't care about you anyway and consider you expendable, which you're NOT!

_________________
I will follow the path I want, not the path everyone else wants.

I would probably say, "The oldest one won't make it to 18 if you place them with me!"

_________________
I will follow the path I want, not the path everyone else wants.

It's interesting how their mind works, isn't it? Like I should just be totally fine with it.

I have lived responsibly, using protection, educating myself, building a career, and am childfree by my choices. Apparently, my life, my wants, needs, dreams and desires are second to what my sibling wants. My sibling procreated with irresponsible losers, and created 5, very troubled and unhappy children, and yet, in this scenario, she is the victim and I am the villain.

I do not want to do this, but do love my nieces and nephews and would do the very best job I could to provide them a safe and loving home.

I just don't feel like it should be thought of as me shirking my responsibility, since I did not have any hand in the creation of these children.

I recently had a fire, y'all, and we pretty much escaped with our lives and pets, and that's about it. You guys have shown more concern than my family has. They don't even know where I'm living right now. (Hey, that might come in handy...)

Hold your ground, be strong, tell them "No," and tell them that this topic is no longer up for discussion. You have chosen a life without kids. The fact that they are trying to guilt you into this makes their opinions about you worthless -- they clearly don't give a rat's ass about your feelings or position. Be rude if you have to, but make your point clear. They certainly are, on both counts.

If it's any consolation, we had this same conversation with DH's brother and SIL. They were shocked that we wouldn't step up to step in if anything happened to them. Our response -- tough shit. We have no responsibility or obligation to take care of someone else's kids, including ungrateful, selfish relatives.

_________________
Lactation Consultant and Assistant Kickball Coach of the "Cass is a horrible person...and she's also ugly!" club.

I think "tough shit" is an excellent response. It's what I feel like saying. That and f-ck you, especially about losing my S/O. My sib was with a loser who molested her girls, so they don't want me to have any men around in my home. Guess what they said? "if your S/o really loves you, he'll wait." lol!! for 15 years?
My relationship with my S/o has been longer lived than any of their relationships, so please, hold the relationship advice.