Wow, I can't believe the gall of these people. He thinks it's on YOU to make amends? And demanding that you hand over cash? What is wrong with them?

okay this REALLY has taught me not to come home late and think "I'll just have a quick peek on the boards"..


there are 5 of them! And she wants a CF person to take them in?

I've been asked - and said no - to take on 1!! Lesson learned - will never be stupid enough to godparent again but I was young at the time and didn't realise that people weren't bright enough to get that if I don't want my own kids....

and there are 5....

anyway, is it worth doing what I did and sending an email? I know that sounds nuts, but I wanted it written in black and white - "I am not agreeing to take your child". That way, if it ever came to it and they did someting really stupid, like try and put it in their wishes in their will anyway, I would be able to say to any other party involved - "look, they knew I didn't want her".

I realise it will damage your relationship more but sadly I think you are better without these people in your life. You've helped out a lot haven't you - I recall you mentioning giving them money before, and quite often? I only see misery in helping out people who like to repeat their mistakes.

And why the hell should you pay them a monthly allowance? It's enough to make me wonder if that's what they were angling for all along?

Sorry - this experience must be rough but you are doing the right thing!

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"Life is a matter of passing time enjoyably. There may be other things in life, but I've been too busy passing my time enjoyably to think very deeply about them." Peter Cook

sorry i'm a little late to the party on this thread...

I too have a brother (older) that has kids, two. We've often (not to often) thought what would happen if my brother and sis-in-law died.. where would the kids go? Well, our house is quite large and we have about 28 acres to do what ever we want in.... organic farming takes some land. Anyway, when we got the farm we kinda thought we'd be mentioned in their will as to "a place to park the kids"... so we nipped that idea in the bud and flat out told them we'd rather microwave a sack full of kittens than take their kids. I mean, call me cold but there's a reason I(we) don't have kids now, why the hell would we want hand-me-down kids like theirs?

OP, thanks for the updates and tell all. Your question is one that a lot of us might (or have) deal with.

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“The good thing about science is that it's true whether or not you believe in it.” ― Neil deGrasse Tyson

my family is toxic. And, I think i have been surrounding myself with toxic friends, too. Back to counseling, i go! I think the fire we survived was a good wake-up call, and I realize that I need my earnings. I want to use my own earnings to live safely and comfortably, and can't rely on anyone else. They created their own messy lives. I have helped them enough. The bank is closed.

Thank you for the replies, everyone. Yes, this isn't easy. I love my nieces and nephews, but I don't want to care for children 24/7. That's why I don't have any of my own. And its not my fault that they are here.

Good question. I haven't been following the thread, but here's my two cents: I'd try to pass off the duty, but I'd sugarcoat it in something like, "I'm honored, but I think your children truly deserve the best, and I feel [Insert other relative's name here] would do a much better job than I would."

But then of course, they'd press about it, and eventually my "Aw, hell naw," would come out.

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"We are driven by five genetic needs: survival, love and belonging, power, freedom, and fun." ~William Glassner

Good for you for standing your ground! Shouldn't sis feel much better that you won't be taking the children now that she's decided you wouldn't be the best care provider?


Bluemoo, I don't think people can be forced to take children just because a will said so, despite what movies and TV shows would have people believe. There's frustratingly little details I could google up on how the refusal procedure goes and how you can protect yourself from being named guardian to someone else's children. But from the (numerous!) resources written for the reference of parents about how to set up a guardian in their will, it's pretty clear one can refuse to serve as a guardian. Here's a lawyer's blog on this subject:


They have some gall saying you have to "make amends". Say what? Give me their numbers so I can ask them to blow me, and when they refuse, I will say they now have to give me a lump sum or make monthly payments to me to repair my hurt feelings.



One problem with that. Banks don't give hand-outs. Some banks take hand-outs.

I've quickly skimmed over this thread to follow your story selfishwoman, and I have to say I think you did the right thing and handled the situation perfectly well. Glad you are able to recognize the toxicity and were able to stand up to it. If anything, you're doing the more responsible and caring thing by not giving into the situation... If you were to end up with those kids, you wouldn't be any happier, and neither would they and it would be a terrible situation for all involved. Kudos to you

Apparently, I have kicked the beesnest. Almost all of my other siblings have called requesting I call them back immediately.

I have turned off my phone and am going to go see "The Avengers." Goodnight, y'all!

This is the proper response.

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Grumpy velociraptor