Joined: Thu Sep 02, 2010 10:10 pm Posts: 412 Location: The New Tower of Babel
Do you have any records of the money that you lent them? If they keep it up I would threaten to sue the lot of them for that money to make them fuck off. Especially if they try to start legal trouble with you.
_________________ "Freder:But where do the hands belong in your scheme? Joh Frederson: In their proper place, the depths."
Mad Scientist and Inventor for the "Cass is a horrible person...and she's also ugly!" club. How do you like them lasers?
Wow. I wouldn't blame you one bit. The more you say about it the more strongly I feel that way. I can't BELIEVE she left those messages with her kids crying. I have extra heaps of bitterness toward parents who emotionally damage their own kids to use them to manipulate other people. I'm so sorry you were saddled with this pathetic excuse for a family.
WOW. I just can't put into words how bad I feel for you in this screwy situation. And I can't BELIEVE your sister told her children what's going on and put them on the phone to guilt trip you! That's the lowest thing I've ever heard of! Just terrible on her part! And you have been a saint for not telling them all what the other siblings have borrowed. I would definitely be mad enough at this point to let them all know that..... Like do a conference call, ask that everyone hold their comments until you have finished your sentence, then say- I have loaned out over $200k in total to all of you and put my own family in jeopardy. I havent shared each siblings' business with the others until now out of respect for each sibling's privacy. Therefore none of you have any right to question my loyalty to this family. I've just had enough! I care deeply for all of you, but I will no longer function as your private lender, and you all need to respect that. I am not evil, im just finally putting MY personal family first like all of you do within your own families. Then hang up and unplug the phone.
_________________ "Love is composed of one soul inhabiting two bodies."- Aristotle
Joined: Sun Sep 20, 2009 11:58 am Posts: 6058 Location: London, England
SW - would you like a hug? You may not be up for a hug from a total stranger but in case you want one - (((Selfishwoman))
I'd say this - you are not stupid. You're big hearted and it's time to turn some of that love towards you.
As for the $200k, if you opt to keep contact with your family, I would tell all the siblings that is the amount you've given and say that you have compromised your own needs to provide this. And tell them it's their turn to support you and be a friend to you.
In fact, even if you don't keep in touch with them, I would tell them all the amount to prevent them asking for more. I would also take any repayments they offer.
Yummus - I didn't think there was any legal way a court could order you to take on a child, at least in the UK. But I felt it was important to put it in black and white because if the parents died and they had said to others that I was taking the kids, I would have proof that I refused. I suspect it was also good for them to see it in black and white, as sadly the type of fool that thinks a CF person would be pleased to have kid needs to have the "no" drummed into them.
I hope that the US wouldn't force someone to take a kid they wouldn't want but I doubt it - it would be useless to the kids really.
_________________ "Life is a matter of passing time enjoyably. There may be other things in life, but I've been too busy passing my time enjoyably to think very deeply about them." Peter Cook
Thank you, for the support, guys. I would love a hug, blue--thank you so much. Here is one back for you! ((hug)) This has been really tough. I realize that I have only myself to blame for the tough time we've had, though. I shouldn't have kept giving in to their requests, but I didn't want them to suffer or go without, but when we needed them, they were nowhere to be seen. Looks like the support goes one way in my family. Lesson learned.
Joined: Thu May 17, 2012 2:16 pm Posts: 684 Location: New Jersey, USA
Really, SW, I think you have been too nice with your family. Like someone else already said, your family doesn't deserve your generosity. Unbelievable that your sister used her kids to try to guilt you into agreeing (I was used as a guilt-inducing tool by my family, so I have no tolerance for parents who do this)! They obviously don't think much of you. This is only my opinion, but I think there are times you just can't talk to people because no matter what you say, it goes in one ear and out the other. After reading all of this board, I'd say you're better off just cutting them off and out your life. They don't care about you, consider you nothing but a bank and a tool and clearly have no respect for your fiance (who I also feel sorry for in this whole mess). You don't owe them anything (though they do owe YOU $200,000) and I don't think trying to reconcile with them is worth the emotional stress you'll inflict upon yourself. To go as far as using the kids to guilt you and imply you that you're responsible for your sister's irresponsibility (I'm referring to your brother's message), it sounds like they're pretty stubborn and you'd just be wasting your energy and time.
_________________ I will follow the path I want, not the path everyone else wants.
SW, don't blame yourself! You've done nothing but try and try to help. Yes, you've kept giving in to their requests, but THEY are the irresponsible ones that keep getting themselves into bad financial situations that make them keep asking! How are you doing settling into your new place? How are your kitties recovering, as well as you two from the smoke?
_________________ "Love is composed of one soul inhabiting two bodies."- Aristotle
My word, I can not believe the audacity these fucktards have. Not just them holding out their hands acting like you owe them your earnings(what are their lazy asses doing?), but to use a child in their mind games and manipulative tactics is extremely low. I would cut off all contact; you've already tried to explain your part, so what more can you do? Nothing. They are what they are, and you need to pick up the pieces and move on, for you and your fiance. If you already haven't, don't let them know where you live, tell all of your contacts to not tell them, live as if you were in some type of witness protection program when it comes to withholding information from them. If you see them out, be civil or pretend you don't notice them and don't worry about it. It seems they're a big jolly team against you, so they have each other to lean on(and drive mad now that you're out of the picture).
I'm sorry you've had to go through all of this, more hugs!
_________________ “I am neither especially clever nor especially gifted. I am only very, very curious.” ~ Albert Einstein
"A smooth sea never made a skillful sailor." ~ Unknown
Thank you so much everyone. I have decided to cut off contact and bought a new phone with a new number (a fancy smart phone, I love it!)
I do have a record of at least the $200K that I lent out, but have realized that my family feels entitled to it, so there is nothing I can say other than "Goodbye money! I miss you." Never again. My TCFL screen name was given to me by my family-it was their favorite bingo. They don't believe that people without children deserve to live well. We should all live in a studio and do laundry at the laundromat, eat Chinese takeout for every meal, have 99% of our wages reallocated to those with kids and work all the holidays and make less than those virtuous people, like my sister, who breed like rabbits and have as many kids as they can. So, in their eyes, I am just a resource, and am not really a person anyway. In their eyes, I have no right to spend my earnings on myself.
So, I'm just moving on.
I am enjoying our new place so much. I woke up this morning to fresh coastal air, peace and quiet, snuggled up in blankets provided by my fiancé's family, and covered in purring cats, Lol. I used to wake up to coughing, flushing toilets and a litany of racial slurs, so this is a very nice improvement. We are all still recovering, and the cats are still skittish, getting used to our new place, but they already seem to like it better. I think we're going to be really happy here.
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