With due respect, Nathaomir, there's a difference between appearing to be happy and actually being so. I'm talking about reality, not appearances. See all those couples that divorce but seemed to be OK? And no, you can't have it all without loosing your sanity. there's simply no time (and no money). My point is that something has to give, and that's usually couple time. I'm happy things worked out for you and your folks, though.

While I do think children can put a lot of stress onto a relationship I do not think that is why they fail.

To be very honest about 80% of the relationships I see my friends and acquaintances in are not strong relationships to start. The biggest factor is most people I know do not truly trust their partner. Now they say they do, but they question where they go, who they talk to, how much their partner loves them etc...

How can one have a future with someone they don't truly deep down trust?

Do kids take away a considerable amount of couple time? Yes
Do kids get in the way of a spontaneous sexy life? Yes
Do babies ruin a lot of vaginas? Yes
Should you talk about your expectations and who will be responsible for what when that baby comes? Absolutely!
Do you really trade a relationship for a baby? Only if you want, and let it happen.

There is a ton more to this topic but I will just leave it here as far as what I add to this.

I love my OH too much to want to take time away from him to raise a kid. I don't like kids so I would go out f my way to schedule trips for work where I'd be gone for weeks to months at a time, all the while trying to get my OH to go with me but ditch the kid because it's too dangerous.

It would be different if I liked kids, but I don't and I couldn't handle one in my house, in my space and in between my love life. No. I don't think all relationships die because they weren't strong enough to handle a child, they die because expectations aren't met, things change and sometimes it's too hard to continue.

I have a headache I don't know if I'm making sense.

_________________
http://childfreewe.wordpress.com/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vicki-lar ... 60752.html

I just read this form the Huffington Post
It's based on Katy Perry and Russell Brands break up, seemingly he wanted kids now and she didn't.

Firstly, typical thought but I guess not from the usual side (the man). Sorry if that seems sexist but it's been my perception the women seem to pressure the bloke etc (that needs more explanation but you get the picture.)

Secondly, again a typical thought of married then kids right away. Is it possible he assumed that usual cliche then was surprised to find, being a 27 year old woman with mountains of time (and a career at it's peak!), didn't want it straight away.

Thirdly, it actually says more childfree couples divorce thasn ones with 1 child.

I think this is a misuse of the term childfree. Having experianced it myself intertility is a struggle and can cause people to break up. I don't think they are talking about Childfree in the terms used here (maybe a few).

I also think that maybe Childfree people also dont feel the pressure to get married as people who wants children do, as they think that state of being before kids is essential.

So maybe there are lots of Childfree who stay together, who arent married.

So saying childfree people get divorced more is based on skewed facts and misuse of definitions

Few more thoughts.

_________________
Just be like everybody else
Be like everybody else
To be like everybody else
I'm not like everybody else

There have been a number of threads in the past about this very issue i.e. more childfree couples divorce than those with children.

Of course these 'studies' have neglected to identify 'why' and just push out a statistic without any context. The general view here was that it was the disagreement over having kids that led to the split up. Just like Katy and Russell. Lawd knows there is a wealth of evidence from the membership on here proving the point.

Other threads will also identify the large proportion of coupled up CF folk who don't want to get married (they don't feel it has meaning for them) or are even anti-marriage.

As for the question raised in the OP 'do early-articulators actively seek out CF partners and therefore it's never been an issue'........well, I don't know about others, but this one certainly did. Getting involved with someone who did want kids would have been madness, so why bother in the first place...it saved a lot of tears.

_________________
'I think that God, in creating Man, somewhat overestimated his ability'..Oscar Wilde

'Let it be awful, let it be wonderful, but let it be uncommon'.......

This also seems to fit perfectly into the 'You owe me grandchildren'-idea

I had always thought that this was because Childfree people are able to divorce more easily if things go wrong, as they don't have to factor in 'staying together for the children'. The statistics may well be accurate, I don't see it as a negative thing really, as that is the reality that some marriages are not meant to last. The ones that are being held very loosely together by the children and other trappings must be very stressful to say the least.

Also, as you rightly pointed out many Childfree are happy to stay unmarried for whatever reason.

_________________
“I love the Pope, I love seeing him in his Pope-Mobile, his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass. That's faith in action folks! You know he's got God on his side.”

- Bill Hicks

PLus it doesn't mention how many people got married because he knocked her up... I'm not 100% sure my BIL would have got married if he hadn't got her pregnant first...

I think some women shift their focus from their partner to the baby because it's less work to have a relationship with a kid, at least for the first few months/years. Adult relationships can be hard, depending on the personalities involved, and I see a lot of people who think they're living in a soap opera (with all the manipulation, cheating, drama etc.) Once their little precious becomes a challenge, it can be shipped off to daycare/school/grandmas.

Aww wow.... this makes me so sad. That's his entire life! He seems to be just throwing it away. If marriage and/or children don't make you happy, why do it? FFS, children and marriage are optional. I would never be in a serious relationship if I didn't feel strongly about that person. I'd rather be alone! I can't imagine tumbling through life so indifferent to my feelings on the person I am spending my life with. I really hope your cousin decides he would rather be happy.

_________________
"Every sperm is sacred, every sperm is great. If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate." Monty Python, The Meaning of Life