Not too sure where to post this, it has more to do with my own emotional issues than a preferred birth control method.
I'm in my mid-20s. I have a job that pays all right for my age and experience and I save up for a tubal in no time. I am currently taking birth control pills and there has never been any side effects.
I am in a relationship, been with a guy for a year and I really like him. I have told him since the very beginning that I do not want any birth children, I would rather volunteer to teach a school or adopt. He first said that he would make a very good father "by society's standard" (AKA the Kodak moment fathers). Later he started saying he does not want kids; he is really interested in science articles and one day he told me that there will be a male birth control method coming out and it is easier and safer than a vasectomy (somebody at this forum posted that), and he will get it when it comes out.
On the other hand, I was in a relationship with a guy who said he would not have kids for about 3 years but ended up saying that he wanted a traditional family, a very domestic wife that can take care of children (yet still looks glamorous and has a great career). Now thinking back, I could see hints where he was actually just lying to get me to stay and possibly change my mind. I know my new guy isn't the same, but I'm afraid that he will change his mind too. Even though we are doing great, I still don't feel like the relationship can go anywhere unless one of us gets fixed.
I talked to him about it too, but there is nothing that he can say or I can do. He cannot afford the surgery right now (just out of college) and I think it might be a bit cruel if I would make him to go through a surgery. I'm thinking about saving up and get mine, I don't feel like having a major surgery right now, and also, if I have to do something so big to give me the peace of mind, maybe I should learn how to trust my relationship, but I really don't know how.
I'm afraid I have no relationship advice on this one- only a small observation. If your fear is that he will one day change his mind, you or him getting fixed won't change that. It'll happen if it's going to happen. The only thing that getting fixed does is ensure that the kid can't happen with you. So the decision of a tubal should really be separated from your questions about the relationship- if it gives you peace of mind to have it done, that's great, but it should be purely for you and your future, not necessarily both of you... Am I making any sense? Anyways, sorry I can't be more helpful.
_________________ "Love is composed of one soul inhabiting two bodies."- Aristotle
Joined: Sun Jun 26, 2011 9:08 am Posts: 3706 Location: UK
If you don't want kids, you don't kids and that's the only decision to make....You can't predict the future and know what your partner is going to want, you can only go by what he's saying now.
I agree with SuperGlider, just make your own decision about your own sterilisation and keep him informed. Oh and don't hold your breath on the male contraceptive pill......you'll probably have a very long wait.
As for the tubal being major surgery, I've not had one so I can't speak from experience' but the threads in Keeping the Babies Away should help...I don't think most people have considered it to be major surgery and recover very quickly i.e. in days.
_________________ 'I think that God, in creating Man, somewhat overestimated his ability'..Oscar Wilde
'Let it be awful, let it be wonderful, but let it be uncommon'.......
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