Thinking it's time to call it quits on this one. I have a 'friend' who I have spoken about in here before. She is needy, attention seeking and has one drama after the next. Being around her was making me ver unhappy as the friendship was definitely a one way street (although she is someone who would never see that, no matter how politely you put it). Recently I have been slowly distancing myself from her, not in a rude way, just I wouldn't make contact with her every day like I used to. She is one of those people who you have to text everyday, or she is in contact with you everyday, multiple times via text and Facebook. She lives on Facebook. It was getting exhausting. We lived in eachothers pockets and I was getting way to involved in her problems. Anyway, I didn't like this and decided I was much happier living my own life with hubby. We are very self sufficient and very happy in just eachothers company. Now she has become very unhappy with me because I am 'not putting in enough effort' to see the kid. Granted i haven't been around much, but I work long hours and when I get home I often don't feel like going over to hers and listening to her constant drama. Her husband works away so I understand she is lonely, but she's so needy also. But she has never made the effort to come to my place. It's always the other way around. Her attitude is that is 'my loss' .Now she is not talking to me and doing her usual drama on Facebook, writing nasty things that I know at directed at me. The worst thing is, I actually feel guilty!! I was hugely honored to be asked to be a godparent and I feel like I have an obligation to this child. I just can't find the right balance!! My mind is telling me to walk away, it's just to much hassle, but then I feel like a horrible person. help!
Joined: Sun Jun 26, 2011 9:08 am Posts: 3971 Location: UK
Walk away and feel like a horrible person for a while, it's OK you'll get over it.
Being 'guilted' into something doesn't make you a good person, if anything it could make you a weak person in your own eyes and a pushover in the eyes of others. That's really not a good place to be.... I'm sure other people on here will talk about their experiences of being a 'people pleaser' and how self destructive that was..
Having the nuts to take control of your own life is life affirming, raises your self esteem and makes you more balanced and self aware. Those are positive traits in anyone's book.
_________________ 'I think that God, in creating Man, somewhat overestimated his ability'..Oscar Wilde
'Let it be awful, let it be wonderful, but let it be uncommon'.......
Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2012 11:53 am Posts: 3484 Location: Ohio, US
Life is too short to invite bad experiences like this. Listen to your mind. Walk away. Maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't feel any kind of godparent obligation. They can get a new one. Godparents really don't do anything else that a friend wouldn't do anyway (attend significant events, etc).
I think you are right. After thinking about it for a while I am actually relieved. I know I won't miss the friendship at all, it's more that I feel I have an obligation to the child. Sad thing is, I see myself s a good friend/godparent. I have always been there for the child, and the mother. It's just that now I have instigated a more normal adult relationship (not one that requires me to be over her place ever day boosting her ego) , and it's obviously not enough for her. It got the the stage where I had to see her everyday. In top of that she would send me pics of the child and tag me in photos on Facebook. It just became so demanding on me. I was babysitting for her and running her around. So now she has out a big guilt trip on m about it because im not making enough effort. She doesnt think to maybe talk to me and see how I am (I have recently started studying along with ft work so I don't have much time!). But it's all on me and I am the one all at fault, and I am the one who will 'miss out'. Apparently. When her second was born she complained because another friend (who had just had her first 2 weeks before) didn't cme over to meet HER child. I said maybe she was busy, you know, dealing with a newborn! But it's always everyone else's fault! Sorry for the rant. The more I think about it the more appealing it becomes to just piss her off out of my life!
Joined: Fri Jun 08, 2012 9:53 am Posts: 186 Location: Texas
I've sort of been in your shoes. I was the godfather for two children of a couple who used to be some of my best friends. We had a falling out over a religious disagreement, and they really booted us out of their lives. Not only did they slam the door on our relationship, but they locked it from the inside. They weren't friends to begin with, and I didn't realize that at the time. Friends don't do that. They try to understand.
If this other person is being snarky about you, especially on a public forum like Facebook, then you don't owe it to her or the child to hang around.
It's okay to feel guilty for a few days. It will pass. The relief to your mind will be far greater in the end.
You're the very people who said it didn't take a village to raise a child. So, get YOUR kids out of MY hut!
I dont have Godchildren with this lady but I also broke up with a friend over a few little things and it leaves you feeling weird but I also glad I took a one sided friendship out of my life. It feels amazing.
All I know is really all I have is me and I am all I owe ANYTHING too. (bar the mortgage LOL)
_________________ Just be like everybody else Be like everybody else To be like everybody else I'm not like everybody else
Thanks everyone its a shame because I do actually like the child and enjoy spending time with him, but I don't think I can cope with the mother and her needy ways!! I wish she would just accept that I will always be there for him but that to be a good friend /godparent I don't need to be there every single day!! Its exhausting. I think she is under the impression that because I am childfree I have all the time in the world, and this means that I have to be the one that goes to her all the time
Let her know you had no idea the honorarium "godmother" carried any actual duties. I got into this with a cousin. I don't know what she expected, but I only saw the kid once. The old fashioned role of godparent was about religioun and stuff. Sounds like she really had no idea what it was about either. Anyway, I do wonder if she means "see the child" or "babysit the child." Either way, you should just kindly let her know you're out of your depth.
People appoint godparents sometimes for wrong reasons or selfish reasons, too. A friend of mine appointed a guy she'd been chasing (both now married) who has never been interested so she could use that as an excuse to barge in on him whenever she wants. It's nonsense. And he's a terrible role model, anyway.
Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 9 guests
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot post attachments in this forum