My grandmother had vascular dementia for many years - thankfully its progress is much slower than Alzheimers, but it was still very hard on my parents helping her live independently before she had to go into residential care. May I suggest a book called "Contented Dementia" by Oliver James - it helped us a lot with understanding and handling her condition.

Knowing what I do now, I would not try to travel with a person suffering from dementia - being out of a familiar situation can exacerbate trying behaviour. Travelling with family members, even when everyone is hale and hearty, is stressful enough.

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Gib mir den Doughnut. Velociraptors love doughnuts.

Thanks again, all, for the kind words and suggestions. Happy to report, we all made it through the night on.

Now, off in search of breakfast, cheese, and Amish fry pies, before heading back home. On a completely unrelated note; mid-week travel is awesome! Hardly anyone in the hotel!

Ok, I am a nurse and I get to work with patients like your MIL on daily basis. The thing is, you don't have to wait for 40 min for her to count money or leave the door open if she says so. You just gently take over the task that are challenging to her, you just don't do things that feel strange to you just because she has a cognitive decline. If I let my dementia patients do what they want to do the way they do things, I would never get my job done. You can't let such a person call shots, especially if you are not a trained health care professional. you have to set limitations, such as, say: do not touch my salad, or point out to her own bed and orient her back there if she wonders off to your bed. good luck.

Exactly. They need to be redirected quite often.

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"Children are the future...today belongs to ME!" Lindsay Naegle ('The Simpsons')

No advice, just sympathy. Last spring we took a cruise with my parents and my mom's cousin. I've largely avoided my mom's extended family because they're crazy (depression, bipolar, and narcissism all run in the family) and all seem to live for drama. Mom swore this cousin was better and, admittedly, she was right. Compared to the rest of the family, she was pretty good. However, that's a sucky baseline. Plus she's showing signs of either dementia or Alzheimer's. Apparently for three days in a row she went out and bought shoes for the trip because she "didn't have any."

Once on the cruise she was so overwhelmed by the new stuff that she went nearly catatonic and just wanted to sit by the window and eat mac and cheese. You know, that's fine. We were all happy to spend time sitting with her (it was gorgeous scenery) and couldn't care less what she ate ... but she made it ALL ABOUT HER. If we sat with her then we were obviously curtailing our own enjoyment and she felt guilty. If we didn't then she was left all alone and no one liked her and why did she come (granted, a question all of us asked) and it was terrible. So either we got caught assuaging her guilt or being guilt tripped ourselves. She couldn't just order the mac and cheese at dinner - she had to sigh and look heartbroken at the horrible lot she'd been given and the trouble she was causing everyone (who? seriously, who? not the wait staff, not any of us at the table) and make a big deal about it. Any attempt to steer her away from the pity party or assure her it's no problem was, again, interpreted as us patronizing her. And she's one of the better members of that family! I was so happy to get off that ship.

I really think part of the problem is that, as a whole, that family didn't get a lot of honesty in their life. Every word, every act had an ulterior motive and you had to worry at every interaction about what you said and did and if it would offend that person or play into that other one's hands or whatever. That would make anyone nuts even without the genetic issues. I mostly deal with it by being honest and treating their words and actions as honest. It hasn't won me any friends with that side of the family but it has kept me out of the family drama.

Anyway, all that to say that I hear your frustration. Family vacations can be hell even without the added complexity of dementia. Throw that in, along with a lifetime of learned patterns and histories and all ... man.