The dating thread brought a question to mind ...

When I was in high school and university, I couldn't even tell you how my boyfriends felt about having kids. Maybe some turned out to be CF, I really don't know. I was in my teens/early 20s then and wasn't thinking that far down the road, just indulging myself in the moment. So a discussion on the topic felt needless.

What about the others here? Was it always important that you have a CF romantic partner, or did you gradually realize the importance of finding someone who was/is CF?

_________________
“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must live.”

--Charles Bukowski--

Until I was ready to get married, it didn't really matter. My ex-wife of course claimed to be but later claimed she just meant not at the time. Of my exes that I have any idea what happened to them, only one, my first girlfriend in high school, doesn't have kids.

_________________
Rating: Awesome
We found your keys, so if you want 'em, you better come and get 'em.
WWWYKI
There's no sense crying over every mistake. You just keep on trying till you run out of cake.

When I was doing the most dating, in my 20s, I didn't give that much thought to it because settling down seemed very far away. I do remember hearing that one married guy, later a BF, adamantly didn't want kids and thinking that was cool. Realize most of my gang and guys I hung with and dated were big partiers and really not dad material, at least at the time, and probably forever. One serious BF of mine did want kids and it was at least part of the reason we stopped going out, though by no means the only reason. After some big ups and downs, we are now email friends and he does have a family and is a good dad. He wouldn't have been happy without it, and I knew even then that his little cluster of friends who were pretty domesticated would have bored me to death, and that life. But we have a strong connection nonetheless. Lots of men in my circle back then never had kids but did have successful happy long marriages. Most of them were musicians. You can't live with or marry everyone you love, but that doesn't mean not having kids is the only reason, so everyone should try to keep that in perspective.

I've only ever dated one guy before, and we were both at an age where planning for the future (marriage, etc) was not even feasible (and I wasn't 100% CF), so I have no idea if he was CF or not. We never even discussed kids in general (other people's kids, I mean). I'm pretty sure he's of the opinion that having kids in the future is just what happens.

Anyone I date from now on either has to be CF or at peace with the fact that I will never, ever have children. So I'm probably not going to date much.

_________________
The Introvert's Motto: Life, liberty, and the pursuit of being left the fuck alone.

That's very true. Every now and then, though, I realize that this was SO not a big deal for me, especially when I was in my salad days, and I wonder if I was the only one or if this is fairly common. What scares me is that I know myself quite well. Had I been really serious about someone in my salad days, I'm not sure that he and I would have ever had a discussion about kids before getting married.

_________________
“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must live.”

--Charles Bukowski--

Before I ditched my loser ex years ago he expressed a desire to settle down and have kids. That was the final push for me to run away as fast as I could and never look back. He's one of those people who should not ever EVER be allowed to have children for he was and most likely still is an imbecile.

Huh. That's why my second marriage ended. Bait and switch. And I say this not out of malice, but out of honest concern: my ex-H has no business being a dad. I hope that does not come to fruition. He would inflict such mental harm on his kids, it's practically a foregone conclusion that they'd have serious issues as adults.

_________________
“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must live.”

--Charles Bukowski--

No, but I also did not identify myself as CF until my very early 30's. I was more of an ambivalent procrastinator. My exes generally all wanted kids in a "in the future way" or definitely wanted them. I would suspect some of those who wanted them in a future way might be more ambivalent and might not care either way and will have them if their partner wants them but would not be bothered otherwisel

I am not in touch with every ex, but of those I am two of them have had kids (a few years ago now), one just married last year and I know is planning on having them with his wife soon but timing sort of depends on whether they go overseas for his work or not, one married last year and is planning on kids in the next couple years, and another, my ex common law partner, is sort of more ambivalent, but he is the type I see having them if his soon to be wife wants them (he is getting married this month). Most of them are in their early to mid-30s so just really getting into marriages and so on so it remains to be seen how many actually do have kids.

Some have been, some haven't. The only thing I insist on is that they don't have kids right now. I'm also marriage-free and terrified of commitment, so I don't want any of my relationships to last forever. Which means I don't care what they do after they move on.

I dated a single mother once, which is what made me realize I was meant to be CF. On some level, I've always known I'm CF (when I was 17, I wanted to get a vasectomy as soon as I was 18 -- I didn't get around to it until I was 26), but dating a single mother is what really drove it home and made it crystallize in my head.

I know at least on girl I've been with has had a kid since we went our separate ways. Most of the others have dropped off my radar screen altogether. Some likely have, others likely haven't. Most since the single mother have been openly CF. Like I said, I generally don't care as long as they don't have kids right now and understand that I'm not interested in long-term commitment, but in my experience the CF are often automatically drawn together.

One relatively recent girl openly called me a freak for not wanting kids - and not in a lighthearted, joking way. She knew about my vasectomy, and that I was a temporary fling, so it still seemed like a bizarre thing to say before the fling was even over. But she was hot and smart (a computer science grad student), and that's the way I like 'em, so I was willing to let it slide.

_________________
Where are we going? And why are we in a handbasket?

not until my current husband (it took #3 to get it right...)

my first husband was abusive and I thought I had decided I didn't want kids... he REALLY wanted kids and talked me into getting pregnant. 3 months into the pregnancy I freaked OUT... panicked, realized I was making the biggest mistake of my life... being with an abusive partner, who was also a registered sex offender, and I was giving up my education... I had an abortion and it was traumatic at 3 months to say the least (but I made the right decision and would do it again).

DH #2 originally stated he didn't want kids... then changed his mind.... he was also a drunk.... divorce city...

now I have been sterilized for 4 years and DH is talking to doc on Thursday about vasectomy. we love our life sans-kids and are both committed to being CF.

as for high school and pre-marriage...never gave it a thought honestly.