Joined: Wed Jun 18, 2008 8:33 am Posts: 7312 Location: North Texas
I took the poll. The only question I did not like is the question about whether children bring you happiness. It did not give a choice of answers that represented how I would answer the question. So I chose unhappiness even though I know that for some that is not the case.
_________________ “I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.” ― Bill Cosby
Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2012 11:53 am Posts: 8157 Location: Ohio, US
^^^ That one, and the selfish one. I answered no, but I wanted an option that said, "Yes, but so is everything else, so it's a wash."
_________________ "Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live: and unselfishness is letting other people's lives alone, not interfering with them." -- Oscar Wilde
Their main issue with the article was the omission of the male perspective. The article shows a couple on the cover, but speaks almost exclusively about women choosing not to have children. As a CF man, I want it to be known that we are involved in the decision to remain childfree and are not just sitting on the sideline ready and willing to go along with whatever our partner desires.
When my wife and I first began dating, we were both on the fence. I was the one who fell off and landing hard on the childfree side. It was through discussion about the issue together that got us to where we are today, a happily married childfree couple.
That being said, I am extremely happy to see this type of article on magazine covers and getting national news coverage. CNN did a segment about this yesterday and I found out that one of their anchors, Carol Costello is married and childfree. We still have a long way to go before the general public will accept our choice, but the more it is talked about the less stigmatized it will be.
I don't entirely agree with her comparison to the struggles of an LGBT person, but I do like the article.
I personally think she did a good job of explaining the basis for her comparison. She clearly is not trying to equate the two...
Although I know that I do not share the same predicament as gays and lesbians, I use the comparison to explain that I, too, am seeking acceptance in a world in which I often feel ostracized and out of place.
I think that people reading the article who are not CF need something this strong to understand how difficult it can be to openly admit to not wanting children. Bringing up the subject with my parents was extremely difficult and even now that my family and friends know my position, I still feel the need to hold certain things back on Facebook or in conversation for fear of offending friends of mine who are parents or being seen as a child hating freak of nature.
Joined: Sun Mar 21, 2010 4:53 pm Posts: 4418 Location: western us
Good point about the male perspective. Whenever I see anything in the media about childfreedom it's about women choosing not to have kids, or couples choosing not to. Never is the man addressed as his own entity. That needs to change, because the media makes out like the woman is the one who determines whether or not they have kids - and it should be a mutual decision.
I voted, too, and was a little surprised at some of the poll results. Maybe I'm too negative but I don't think that childed people really think we should be given compensatory time off and benefits to what they receive. I honestly believe that they see themselves as more worthy, and that we already have it "too easy" because we don't have to go home and take care of kids. Not all of them, of course, but the bitter ones who fell for the lies about how great it was going to be to have kids and work all the time. And we all know how often we're called selfish - the poll doesn't reflect that. By and large, I think we ARE seen as selfish.
_________________ “Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.” ― Mark Twain
...even now that my family and friends know my position, I still feel the need to hold certain things back on Facebook or in conversation for fear of offending friends of mine who are parents or being seen as a child hating freak of nature.
I agree. I have a few parent friends on FB, and even though they're a pretty chill group (they wouldn't be friends if they weren't), I certainly censor what I put on there. And when you're out at parties and dinners, and you say "no, I don't have kids", I always try to read the mood of the group to determine how I answer the question - whether I just say no and change the subject, or whether I can say something flippant. Nothing turns the mood ugly faster than some sancti-parent taking offence and picking a fight.
I'll have to go looking for this today, so I can read the whole thing.
_________________ "Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you're stupid and make bad decisions."
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