I can see a few things going on here.
On top of that there are also some marital issues which have arisen, amd we have both decided to have a break and just sort out what we really want and what will make us happy. But im stressed out to the max and just fear being alone and not finding anyone who shares the same views.
So what you're saying is that rather than follow your gut, you're so convinced that you'll never find someone else that you'll sacrifice your happiness for hers? "Everyone" will tell you that babies make a marriage stronger. Non biassed studies will tell you that's actually a myth, right up there with the cheque being in the mail. Happiness plummets in the first few years after having a baby. You think you're having problems now ... that's nothing compared to the problems you'll have when you're sleep deprived, financially stretched, and arguing about the best way to bring this kid up.
If your marriage isn't on a solid footing to start with, having a band-aid baby is the worst idea in the world.
My wife compeltely wants a child and she deserves to have something that she feels will make her happy. The thing is if i dont turn around and agree on wanting a child it will ultimately result in the ending of our marriage which makes me feel so devastated.
She deserves your honesty. You agreed on something before you got married. She's still where she was. You're the one that's moving the goalposts., so you should be the one to start the dialogue. And given that she's the one with the biological time limit, she needs to know, so if she wants to move on, she can.
But then i dont want the very real posibility of potentially regretting/resenting the child and or my wife.
Then you need to follow your gut. Remember what other people think or want has no bearing on what you think or want. Trust me, when you look at other people's lives you're not seeing the half of it - all unicorns and rainbows on top, and nothing like that underneath. Don't be fooled. A baby will suck up every minute of your spare time and every dollar of your money for the next 15-20 years. If you're not 100% going in, how can you do anything but resent that?
Someone very wise once made the following point - that once you have a baby, the woman you love is literally, no longer the woman you love. She's going to disappear, at least for a few years, into the role of mommy. There's any number of confessions I've read from guys saying that their hot, smart, sexy wive just morphed into slobby, baby-obsessed mombies after the kid arrived. If she wants a kid, your wife as you know her is going away anyway, one way or another. Nothing is going to stay the same. You can only decide how they change.
And let's say that you buckle under, she has the kid, and you end up separated anyway. Now you're a part time parent to a kid you never wanted, and paying 1/3 of your salary to feed and clothe it until it's 18. Does that sound like a good deal to you? If you knew now that was going to be the result, would you do it? Be honest.
I feel like an absolute horrible person for not potentially wanting a child.
Don't. You're completely entitled to feel that way.
I almost sway on just saying i will in fear of losing my wife and there is a massively large fear of being alone and no one else loving and putting up with my depression and anxiety issues but thats just not fair to my wife.
Those depression and anxiety issues are not going to be cured by having a kid. Think you're anxious now? Try looking out for a small, brainless human that spends 24/7 for the next three of four years, trying to kill itself. That makes me anxious even thinking about it.
I have been so confused and lonely and down in the dumps lately i just feel like as part of society today i shouldnt feel the way i do.
As you would, if your marriage is on the rocks. But that isn't an excuse for jumping in to something that you're ambivalent about, just to seek out the comfort of the herd mentality.
Your choices are actually pretty clear. If you really don't want to have a kid, then you need to tell your wife. She deserves to know. You at least recognize that. And then both of you can move on to look for what you want. Being scared of the big wide world is not an excuse for you to take the safe route, and walk sheepishly into learning to hate your life. Why not make the choice to eventually, be happy, and to take short term unhappiness over many years of it?