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Unread postPosted: Fri Apr 07, 2017 1:11 pm 
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IMO compromising on the kids thing so you can have a virgin bride is going to blow up in your face. You should only have kids if you are both absolutely sure you want to become parents. Otherwise you're just asking for trouble.

Also agree with Silk about the first time being awkward. I'd built up in my mind that it was going to be this awesome thing when in reality it ended up being pretty awkward. Luckily we weren't both virgins or it probably would have been more awkward.

And what if you don't meet this mythical creature until later in life? I didn't meet my wife until I was almost 40.

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Unread postPosted: Fri Apr 07, 2017 2:10 pm 
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Unusual wrote:
If it comes down to choosing between not having children and marrying a virgin, I'll choose marrying a virgin.


To each their own, but to me this seems like a giant, foolish, and dangerous sacrifice of your freedom and ultimate longterm happiness in the name of one little principle that you cannot even adequately defend.

Unusual wrote:
You can have lived life and know what you want in life without having had sex.


Possibly, but I'm not sure I agree with this entirely either. There's a lot to be learned here that you are missing if you go into a marriage never having had it. One thing, as several others have pointed out here, is you are elevating it in importance beyond what is warranted and you won't realize this until later.

I would encourage you to really examine your thoughts and beliefs.
At 25, I was convinced of a lot of things that now, at 42, I view very differently.

-Rowan


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Unread postPosted: Fri Apr 07, 2017 5:02 pm 
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I'm just pondering the concept of being a 25 year old virgin. I can come up with a number of reasons why a woman might not have engaged in a sexual relationship at that point.

1. Religious reasons. The OP stated he's not in it for religious reasons -- but doesn't rule out someone who is religious. However, a woman who followed her religion that strongly would probably only be interested in someone of the same faith, whatever that happened to be.

2. Lack of interest. Plenty of women have little or no interest in sex, so until they meet someone they want to be with for other reasons, they might just not have bothered getting that far. The OP doesn't say sex is actually a priority in a relationship, so maybe someone who is just willing to go along with it on the first Saturday of every month would be okay?

3. Physical, mental or emotional issues that impede the ability or opportunity to form romantic/sexual relationships. That might include a disability, a lack of attractive or just a lack of self-confidence in physical attractiveness, an abusive childhood leading to a distrust of the opposite sex, and all sorts of things.

What I'm also wondering, OP: would this woman need to BELIEVE in no-sex-before marriage, or would someone who just happens to not have had sex but would if she could, be good enough? Then again, I'd reckon that unless you believe it's wrong, eg for religious reasons, then being in a relationship with someone who insisted on waiting would be weird. You'd assume the bloke had issues or perhaps was impotent.


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Unread postPosted: Fri Apr 07, 2017 10:56 pm 
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Silk,

You're certainly allowed to express your view.

It's not only that I want to have my first time with a virgin. I want a lifetime of us only having been with each other. To me, that's special. I never really bought the compatibility argument.

Force10,

I can see how the first time would be awkward, but it seems to me it would be far better to experience the awkwardness with someone in the same boat. It sounds awful to be having this new experience while for her it's something she's already done. If I don't meet her until I'm 40 that's fine. I've held out this long.

Rowan,

I can and have extensively defended my position other places before. I just don't feel the desire to do so anymore. I have thought about this very much and it's what I believe in.

MissPiggy,

Being a 25 year old virgin feels natural to me. I haven't met the girl I want to marry, so sex hasn't felt like something worth having.

Also, religion does play a role in it. It's just that, even if I was an atheist, I would still want to wait. My reasoning is not just "my religion says to." I just never attended a church where they emphasized waiting until marriage like I've heard exists.

I'm not sure if I need her to also believe in waiting until marriage or if it's okay if she just happens to be a virgin. It seems like we would connect better on an emotional and spiritual level if we share this belief and I'm not sure how much less special her not sharing this belief would make the whole thing to me.

Anyway, it looks like I have my answer. People consider it unlikely to meet a woman who doesn't want children who is also a virgin. That's what I assumed, but I still figured I would ask.


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Unread postPosted: Sun Apr 09, 2017 3:30 pm 
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Well, welcome to this site-- for however long you last...

Sounds like you've got a lot invested in being "Unusual", right down to your s/n. And that very well may be the case for you IRL. However, you've tumbled into a nest of people who are also unusual, often in many ways aside from choosing to not have kids. So the "woe is me, you just don't understand" thing won't fly so well here.

It also sounds like you're the type who "has a lot to offer" and is looking for some perfect little thing with no baggage. I heard "Fifty Shades of Grey" was kind of a crap movie and a not-much-better novel; real life would offer even fewer appealing choices.

If you truly believe your best chance would entail finding some ostensibly religious "good girl", well... go for it, Chief. Just don't be too surprised when her actual human qualities start revealing themselves (typically after the wedding, when it's too late).

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Unread postPosted: Sun Apr 09, 2017 4:43 pm 
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Ha, this all just reminded me of someone who felt they had lost their virginity four times. Yes, they lost four virginities, and each "first time" was special. Because this person was a male-to-female transsexual. As a male, the first virginity was with a female, and then the second with a male. Then had the sex change. Lost virginity-as-a-female with a male, and then again with a female.


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Unread postPosted: Mon Apr 10, 2017 12:29 am 
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PrettyFloralBonnet,

I don't want to come across like "woe is me." I simply logically recognize that there's a small pool of women I'm looking for and was looking for some thoughts from people who don't want kids.

Also, I'm not looking for someone perfect. I don't think a woman being a virgin, attractive, and not wanting children makes her perfect. She could have a number of other flaws I would accept. But, like everyone else, I have dealbreakers. Sure, perhaps they're not all common dealbreakers, but people are different.


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Unread postPosted: Mon Apr 10, 2017 9:17 am 
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...I could be wrong, but Unusual sounds like he might be asexual. The wanting a partner who has demonstrated a limited urge to have sex and the admission that he is very rarely sexually attracted to anyone at all... Well, it sounds a lot like a mindset that I had.

I know that when I was young, and before I realized my (a)sexuality, I latched onto the "no sex before marriage" thing HARD. My underlying (and unrealized) motivation for this was basically "Yes, I will tell everyone I'm waiting until marriage and then never get married! The perfect plan!", because frankly I just didn't want to have sex, period.

Again, I could be wrong about Unusual; perhaps he just has strange notions about sex and virginity. But I think he may want to look into the asexual community. For support, mainly, but it's also possible he may meet someone who does meet his requirements (assuming he finds an interested biromantic or heteroromantic ace lady)- she just won't want to have sex AFTER marriage, either.

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Unread postPosted: Wed Apr 12, 2017 12:04 pm 
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I'm definitely not asexual. I have a desire for sex. It's simply that not many people spark the desire. It's only a relatively small group of women (and no men) I'm interested in, but I very much would like to have sex with one woman one day.


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Unread postPosted: Wed Apr 12, 2017 1:59 pm 
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Fair enough. Hopefully I wasn't being too presumptive. Good luck on that search of yours.

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Then they came for the Jews, and I said nothing—Because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.” -Martin Niemöller


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