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 Post subject: Re: Child free in India?
Unread postPosted: Sat Nov 27, 2010 7:32 am 
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How about marrying someone for their delightful personal qualities and character rather than their nationality?


Well said :D Since we are CFBC human beings, we have limited choices, so it is imperative to expand the selection pool beyond nationality.

Nature has made woman a beautiful creature, so every woman is pretty. The billion dollar question is whether she wants to remain CFBC or not irrespective she is Indian, Japanese or american or any other nationality.

For a CFBC individual to choose a marriage partner, the number 1 selection criteria is the above one- If she is also CFBC or not. We are different people. For a non CFBC individual, the number 1 criteria will be how beautiful she is or how handsome he is.

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Nature's objective is to throw a man and woman together under the influence of a powerful hormonal cocktail that causes them to procreate and not to think.

28 Year Old Male. Deliberatively delayed marriage to pass 'highly fertile age'.


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 Post subject: Re: Child free in India?
Unread postPosted: Sat Nov 27, 2010 8:50 am 
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Joined: Sun Sep 20, 2009 11:58 am
Posts: 6058
Location: London, England
Kalinka wrote:
So, if I said all men of (*insert nation of your choice*) made terrible partners, that would be okay? Would that kind of generalisation be in order? Germans are all rude sausage eaters, as you know, and all Scots are drunks, and the English are football crazy, and the Japanese quiet and submissive...and so on...

To me, it sounds like women are being treated here as a mass, and not as individuals with distinct personalities. Perhaps it's not what you intended to say, but that's how it comes over to me.


yes, it's weird isn't it? I am of Indian origin and I have had once had a bus driver (!) say to me that he wanted to marry an Indian girl because "you believe in family more than any other nationality".
whatever that means. Needless to say I took my seat PDQ, after simply saying "that's nice, dear". (I added the "dear" in a patronising tone to signal the end of the conversation).

I actually think this thread - and certain others - are just full of trolls who want to make odd statements about women and nationality. If not, then there is a very worrying stereotype of Indian guys coming through here; the same one that made my girlfriends of Indian origin say "must marry a British guy"!!!

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"Life is a matter of passing time enjoyably. There may be other things in life, but I've been too busy passing my time enjoyably to think very deeply about them." Peter Cook


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 Post subject: Re: Child free in India?
Unread postPosted: Sat Nov 27, 2010 9:00 pm 
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Joined: Sun Mar 21, 2010 8:50 am
Posts: 118
Location: Mumbai
staycf wrote:
Quote:
How about marrying someone for their delightful personal qualities and character rather than their nationality?


Well said :D Since we are CFBC human beings, we have limited choices, so it is imperative to expand the selection pool beyond nationality.



Welcome here staycf! How nice to see another Indian person here! :D There are shockingly few CF Indians as you said and it's always great to know there are more. And I completely agree with what you have said above. I don't have limited choice, instead I have zero choice since I haven't met a single CF minded person in real life.
I hope more Indians like you join here, 1,000,000,000 Indian people and only 3 here, what a shame!


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 Post subject: Re: Child free in India?
Unread postPosted: Sun Nov 28, 2010 12:46 pm 
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I am the 4th Indian here supporting CFBC. :mrgreen:


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 Post subject: Re: Child free in India?
Unread postPosted: Sun Nov 28, 2010 1:31 pm 
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Location: Mumbai
ruyam wrote:
I am the 4th Indian here supporting CFBC. :mrgreen:


Kya baat hai! Welcome ruyam. Why don't you tell more about yourself?


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 Post subject: Re: Child free in India?
Unread postPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2010 2:51 pm 
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I completely agree with what you have said above. I don't have limited choice, instead I have zero choice since I haven't met a single CF minded person in real life. Welcome here staycf! How nice to see another Indian person here! :D There are shockingly few CF Indians as you said and it's always great to know there are more.

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 Post subject: Re: Child free in India?
Unread postPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2010 2:36 pm 
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Posts: 27
harry wrote:
staycf wrote:
Quote:
How about marrying someone for their delightful personal qualities and character rather than their nationality?


Well said :D Since we are CFBC human beings, we have limited choices, so it is imperative to expand the selection pool beyond nationality.



Welcome here staycf! How nice to see another Indian person here! :D There are shockingly few CF Indians as you said and it's always great to know there are more. And I completely agree with what you have said above. I don't have limited choice, instead I have zero choice since I haven't met a single CF minded person in real life.
I hope more Indians like you join here, 1,000,000,000 Indian people and only 3 here, what a shame!


Thanks brother. Yes it will be difficult but not impossible. I definitely want to marry for companionship. The trick is to marry in 30s. It will be difficult to find a CF Indian woman in 20s because it is a highly fertile age and motivation to reproduce is high.

As you step in 30s specially after 35, a woman starts to get a hint may be she will never become a mom. Convincing a woman aged 35 + to stay CF is easier then convincing a 25 year old girl.

Another trick is to find a woman who has a medical problem and cant conceive. There are Ads in Sunday matrimonial newspapers as well as profiles on matrimonial websites. In this option, you dont have to wait till 30s as girls in 20s who cant conceive are willing to tie the knot.

I am 27 single and stay in Delhi. I am confident i will be able to convince a woman in 30s to stay CF. Lot of profiles for woman over 35 at matrimonial websites. The choice is limited but thats fine as it is better then living alone.

Many Indian girls do want to stay CF but they are afraid of speaking it openly as no family will accept them. So keep searching. However better luck will strike in 30s.

_________________
Nature's objective is to throw a man and woman together under the influence of a powerful hormonal cocktail that causes them to procreate and not to think.

28 Year Old Male. Deliberatively delayed marriage to pass 'highly fertile age'.


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 Post subject: Re: Child free in India?
Unread postPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2010 2:38 pm 
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Joined: Sat Nov 27, 2010 7:08 am
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gollumcaprio wrote:
I completely agree with what you have said above. I don't have limited choice, instead I have zero choice since I haven't met a single CF minded person in real life. Welcome here staycf! How nice to see another Indian person here! :D There are shockingly few CF Indians as you said and it's always great to know there are more.


Welcome gollumcaprio. Nice to see you here.

_________________
Nature's objective is to throw a man and woman together under the influence of a powerful hormonal cocktail that causes them to procreate and not to think.

28 Year Old Male. Deliberatively delayed marriage to pass 'highly fertile age'.


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 Post subject: Re: Child free in India?
Unread postPosted: Sun Dec 05, 2010 1:12 am 
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Joined: Wed Jul 28, 2010 3:29 am
Posts: 51
Hi Guys!

Another Bharatiya Nari here! :mrgreen:

Wonderful to find a few desis here, at last!

A quick intro about myself:

Sandhya, 32, married, working, childfree (duh).

I read through all the previous posts on this thread. Interesting. About the nationality / generalization, oh come on.

It was interesting to see how CFBC people in India have trouble finding partners... hmm. I'll go into some detail about how I and my husband have gotten here, in case it is of interest to someone here.

In my case, I can't say I knew I wanted to be CFBC, till i actually got married to my long-term boyfriend and the possibility of children loomed. In my early 20's I didn't see myself as a mother, but I thought that age will fix that... At some point, hormones will catch up and I'll have kids then, that's what I expected, and that's what friends, family said too. But as I aged, if anything, I've become more and more clear that kids are not for me. I do not dislike them, no, but they are simply not for me. Age has brought clarity... my 30s so far have been the most clear in this regard. (Someone who said about the possibility of finding 30+ cfbc woman is rather on the right track.)

Anyway, my boyfrind and I hadn't really discussed kids, but we both assumed they would happen, somewhere in the future. When we did get married we were both 27, we said we'll think about kids a couple of years later. But when those 2 years were gone, we still felt unprepared. As we spoke about it and explored our thoughts further, we realized we simply don't want kids.

For me, as a woman, there was this internal pressure about the clock running out... I was the one who first said that I don't think I want kids at all, but then I used to be conflicted. THe conflict would stay for a couple of days, and then I would return to the no kids thing. (maybe i would hit confusion while ovulating :mrgreen: ) Then we said to ourselves that if either of us feel a lasting need, then we'll revisit the decision. Then when I hit 30 (this was 3 years after marriage), the clock was definitely ticking rather loudly. It was gonna be soon, or never. But nope, we still didn't want them, if anything we were clearer about this than we were earlier. So, to make peace with conflict, we came to the decision that if at any point we see why we should have kids, we'll simply adopt. If anything, India is choking with kids who arrive unwanted in this world, and are promptly abandoned. Why make new ones when there are kids already here, waiting for a home? There are adopted kids in my circle, I love them just fine.

That is where we are now. We don't want kids. If ever, by some unanticipated turn of events, we decide we want to raise kids, we'll adopt. But I don't see that happening either, to be honest.

My husband is relieved, if anything, that we waited, because he thinks we would have been miserable if we had succumbed to pressure and had kids, only for all this realization to dawn on us.

As for family, initially there was some shock, but both my family and his, though middle class and conservative, were able to see our point. We got them to pay attnetion to how hard it is for people to raise kids now (crowds, competition, security issues....). It has ben 5 years since we got married, and I think they have also reached a place where they see the pointlessness of it all. As they see other people pumping themselves full of hormones to beat infertility or stand in overnight queues for school admission, I think they realize that it is all pretty meaningless. Most importantly, when tehy see their brothers and sister, as grandparents, become free baby-sitters while their sons and daugthers (in law) go to work, my MIL and mom see they've got the best deal possible :roll:

So if you want to know how to handle your parents further, ask me, I'll give you the full package we used ;)

Sorry if that was long winded guys, but as a cfbc woman, a married woman at that, I realize I'm a rare creature in our country, so I thought I'll share.

As a closing thought - I really think there are fewer kids, and more childfree by choice (or by infertility) people around in our generation... don't you think? I see fewer kids around me than my parents did.


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 Post subject: Re: Child free in India?
Unread postPosted: Sun Dec 05, 2010 5:58 am 
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Joined: Sun Mar 21, 2010 8:50 am
Posts: 118
Location: Mumbai
Thanks for you post! It's definitely interesting to learn about a CF woman in India! You are so lucky to have such understanding parents and in-laws, not to mention having a like-minded husband!

Do you know any other CF Indians or are you two the only CF people in your circle?


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