I've been getting irked lately that to me, it feels like I am the one who has to call/text friends to keep in touch, and they are always like, "Oh, I was wondering about you!" My attitude is - the phone works both ways! If you're wondering how I have been, why are you sitting around waiting for me to call you? And just bc I don't have kids, it doesn't mean that I have it easier to contact everyone - I have a life!

Case in point - I haven't talked to my best friend in almost two weeks, and I sent her a text saying hello, and she responds that she almost thought I forgot about her. I respond, "Of course not! But feel free to contact me too! " Then she says she's busy with her daughter's bday and she'll call me later. No problem, but it bugs me that this has happened before already, and it feels like she's not the only one - I have a few friends that say they've been thinking of me, etc. only when I initiate the call/text.

Rant over. Am I overreacting, splitting hairs, etc.? I know we're all busy at some points, but why does it feel like I have to make the move a lot of times?

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it is extremely frustrating. i went through this years ago with a friend of mine. she doesn't have kids but she works a lot and can be into her own world at times. i went through this for a while with her and then i just laid it on the line with her. she's the type of friend that i can do that with. i told her how i felt and she did feel bad and it did get better. i dont' know if that would work with you or not. to me it always depends on the friend and the type of relationship you have.no i really dont' think you're overreacting. like it said it is agrivating. i hate the line too "the i'm so busy .....blah blah blah excuse." newsflash- everyone is busy. to me it's about priorities. even if you truly dont' have a lot of time even a phone call or quick email or text to let the other person know that your value them to me good. i have friends with kids two of them i'm still close to. they don't have a lot of time but they make it a pt. to still make the time even if it's not a lot which is fine with me. i dont' really have a lot of great advice for you but i can emphathize with what you're going through.

i have a friend who i found out was in the hospital when i went home last week to visit. i asked his mom if she had told our mutual friend about it and if he knew.right away she's making excuses for him " oh he's so busy he has 4 kids.." well i'm sure he is but HIS friend my friend was in the hospital for over two and a half weeks. give me a break. she didnt' even bother calling him b/c she thought he wouldn't come anyway.i think that really sucks.

indigo

Are you overreacting? No. Will it change? Probably not. My hubby has the exact same problem with all of his friends. They've gotten so used to him being the one that initiates contact, that it never occurs to them to call him, only to complain that it's been a while when he does. Good for you for trying to point out that the phone goes both ways.

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The one and only SugarGliderFanatic

I think some of this may be "growing pains" as well - I used to live about 10 min. away from my friend and hang out there a couple of times a week, at least, and now that I live in the city about an hour away, I'm not in the 'burbs too often. I should prepare myself in case the dynamic changes between us.

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Yup, understand where you are coming from VikCat...I have one friend that constantly says the same thing. We know each other almost 20 years, and she now has 2 kids in the last 3 years and since then when I have emailed and texted I get nada in return. Then usually a month later I get a mail "wondering where I am", "I am so hard to contact"...um you have had my email address for years and it hasn't changed. Don't understand it...she was never like that before her kids, so I put it down to having the newborns in a short time, but she should be past that stage now so it still gets on my nerves...have pulled back a lot and don't initiate much now. Sorry that kinda turned into a mini rant of my own

I am becoming very picky about friends that I want stay in touch with and when you stop initiating contact, it shows who really cares about you...never had a large group of friends anyway, so it sucks a bit more as my numbers are limited...but I think sod it, I can make new friends who will make the same effort that I do...

I hear you on this one VikCat.

I don't understand why it's so hard for my "friends" to pick up a phone.

Grrrr.

I have a friend (L) doing this at the moment - another friend (M) and I have been trying to get hold of her for weeks now, and she never answers the phone or returns the calls. So both of us have given up for the time being. Whenever she deals with whatever shit it is she's dealing with, I guess we'll hear from her. But it's ironic that L has a friend who "goes dark" on her a couple of times a year, and she bitches constantly about it - and then does the same thing to her friends! Pot meet kettle ...

It is annoying though, and sometimes it's easy to be childish and think "eff you" when they do crawl out of their hole. Ah, the joys of being a grownup.

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My relationship with my brother is like that. I have to make all the effort or we would never hear from each other. It gets frustrating at times, especially when I call or text him to set something up and he doesn't bother to respond, or waits until the last possible minute to.

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Oh yeah... It's been an ongoing theme for the last year or so with our mutual friends. Last year I suggested a couple of fun outings that I thought were a good, family-friendly idea... A weekend trip to San Diego Zoo and an evening out stargazing with telescopes. The first one got only lip service and the second one nearly got hijacked into an all-day offroading trip. Needless to say, neither happened. So, I've stopped suggesting group trips. It doesn't help that I can suggest somewhere, get shot down, then 2 weeks later they're all raving about what a great time they had at the place I suggested...

This weekend was particularly disappointing. DH is in the UK visiting his terminally ill Mother. I'm home alone for a week. Not one call/email/text/F'book message inviting me for coffee/brunch or even to their UFC party....

Seriously, it's like High School...

oh I totally get this

The worst is when you leave it a reeeeeeeeeeeeeeallly long time to call them and they call you, alarmed because "you haven't called for so long".

I've had friendships that I've let go because I think the person is too not bothered, I mean, as the OP says, the phone works both ways!

If anyone read my long rant about the party from the last weekend, after all that fuss and bother, and silver engraved gift left for the birthday girl, I haven't heard from her. I think that's poor form. I think a thank you text at least is in order. But she has work and 2 kids so I guess she would say "well i was thinking about it..."

Ah well, maybe I'm harsh. She seems to make an effort sometimes and not others. This usually relates to kid activity/stress level but it's annoying.

Mrs PH, if your friends go without you to somewhere you suggest, what do you say to them when they report back?

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