I Know What You're Thinking.....
Written by Ida Summerveldt Tuesday, 12 January 2010 08:18
I’ve come to the conclusion that I either have many “tells” or that I have a tendency to hang out with people who think they have a high degree of extrasensory perception. The reason for this conclusion is simple: For most of my life, people have been telling me that they know exactly what I am thinking. Of course, they are always totally wrong but still it is impossible to tell them that.
It goes like this:
Kelliesmom: “I found the most delicious recipe for lima beans.”
(Kelliesmom then expands on the recipe to a chorus of oh’s, ahs, and “that sounds wonderfuls” from the assembled group. Several people request the recipe so out it comes and copies are passed to all. I decline to take one.)
Me: “No thank you, Kelliesmom, but I really do not care for lima beans."
Kelliesmom: “But you MUST like lima beans! Everyone likes lima beans.”
Me: “I just don’t care for them, thanks.”
(General group discussion rages about how lima beans are so wonderful, nutritious, and delicious and on how I can’t possibly not like them and on how, even if I think I don’t like them, this wonderful recipe will just make me love them.)
As the great lima bean discussion winds down, Kelliesmom will look me right in the eye and say: “I know what you're thinking, that you have to try this recipe and you're planning to stop at the store on the way home and buy some lima beans.”
(Not only does Kelliesmom have ESP, she can actually predict the future!)
Me: “Well, no - actually I was thinking that I really need to prune the roses when I get home.”
Kelliesmom: “No, you’re not. You're thinking about buying lima beans!”
Kelliesmom is, at this point 100% convinced that she is absolutely right about what I’m thinking and she is being extremely smug about knowing what she knows. Having taken this position, she will not back down, will insist that I am not being truthful when I point out that I am not thinking about lima beans, and will actively work to convince the others that I am thinking about beans. Since everyone else in the group likes lima beans, they will agree with Kelliesmom that I must be thinking about those beans and am only being stubborn and contrary by not admitting to it.
Truth be told, I detest lima beans. I also don’t really much enjoy cooking and I hate grocery shopping. So I’m not inclined to go rushing off to the store to buy food to make a dish I know I won’t enjoy eating. But to those who like lima beans, the shopping and the cooking are worth the time, effort and expense they put into preparing the dish. They enjoy it, they can not understand that it is something I know I will not like. They find my dislike for lima beans startling and unacceptable which is why they must convince themselves that I will try the lima bean dish at least once. They know that I will love it. They must think this way because, after all, we all know that everyone enjoys lima beans and not to love them is...well...it’s simply unthinkable!
What has all this prattle about lima beans have to do with being childfree? Well, substitute “child” or “children” for “lima beans” and make a few other appropriate word changes and I’m willing to bet that most of us have had this conversation more than once: “I know what you’re thinking - you can’t wait to have a baby of your own!” Try telling the person making this pronouncement that you’re actually thinking about your upcoming cruise to Rio, your trip to Paris, your trek to Nepal, the new car you’re planning to buy, or your pet and they will tell you, “No, you’re thinking about having a baby”. Nothing you can say or do, even an out-and-out statement that you do not want children, will ever convince them that they could possibly be wrong about this. You’ve threatened their idea of the way things are supposed to be and they can not let that stand. Their only retreat from your truth is into self-deception which they accomplish by insisting that they know you better than you know yourself. You will never be able to convince these people that your thinking on the topic is different from theirs so the only way to deal with the “I know what you’re thinking” crowd is to ignore what they say and leave them to their self-deception.
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