First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage...

Written by iandysgrl Tuesday, 30 June 2009 11:07

You may have heard the tune that children sing, “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage.” To many people around the globe, this is all a part of growing up and becoming an adult. To many of us in the childfree community, we have “rebelled” from this way of life, as some people might say.

Some of us grew up in very religious backgrounds, and so to many people, we have rebelled. I am one of these people. I grew up in the Latterday Saints religion (Mormons). A lot of the main teachings have to do with families and how important they are. Like most religions, you are taught heavily to “multiply and replenish the earth.”

My family is extremely active in the LDS church, and I was too, mostly because it was expected of me. That changed for me, after I left the house and married my husband. I live in Utah, USA, where around 75% of the population is LDS and have the highest birthrate in the nation. People expected that we would soon start having kids because that is what most people in my area tend to do. You rarely see a couple married more than three years who aren’t either pregnant or have children already.

I don’t think that I ever really wanted kids. It was just something that I “had” to do after I got married. That’s the way the rhyme goes, right? Love-check. Marriage-check. Baby-??? When we got married, I said I would wait at least five years before having a baby. I didn’t really want one, so I wanted to put it off as long as possible.

One day, I was getting frustrated that I didn’t know anyone around me who was waiting years to have children, and feeling rather lonely, I went to look up some facts on Google. That is when I stumbled onto the word “childfree”. I had never heard it before, so I was curious and looked into it more. I learned something then—you can choose not to have children! I was blown away by this idea, and I was intrigued.

I looked back over my life and began to realize that I never even wanted kids. I would watch movies and TV and be jealous of fictional characters that were unable to have children. While at church activities, girls would gush over our leader’s babies and want to hold them. I wanted nothing to do with that. Each year that went on in my marriage, I kept pushing back the date when we would have children.

I was on the fence with this idea for a few years when nearly a year ago, we decided to remain childfree. I wasn’t on the fence because I was trying to decide if I wanted kids or not; In truth, I was on the fence because I was scared. Did I really have the courage to go against everything I’d been taught regarding family? Did I have the courage to stop singing the song from my childhood?

 

I did have the courage, and now I’m singing a different tune, “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Owning a home? Traveling the world? Humanitarian efforts? Novel publishing?” Who knows? The possibilities are endless!

Share your experiences in The Childfree Life forums!

 

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