A Childfree Journey

Written by Katherine Tuesday, 04 November 2008 07:17

I married relatively young at the age of 22. My husband was 20 and was very sure that he did not want to have children. In my mind I figured he was just young and would most likely change his mind as we had plenty of time before having to make that decision. In the meantime, we both worked and enjoyed a great life together. We bought a house in the suburbs and took vacations yearly.

Around the time I turned 28 I started to bring up the subject of having a child with my husband. He still did not really want to have children but agreed to have one. I got off birth control and after a year did not conceive. It turns out that I had a medical issue and had to have surgery. My doctor let me know that I would have trouble getting pregnant and would require fertility treatments. At that point my husband and I talked and we both decided that we would not go down that path.

We went through some tense times in our marriage around this time but my love for my husband was greater than my need to have a child. It was not easy but we did work our way through this rocky patch. I know I made a great decision. My husband supported me through many surgeries and eventually a hysterectomy when I was in my early 30’s. He put up with my raging hormones and comforted me when I was coming through the realization that I would no longer have the chance of having a child.

I brought up the subject of adoption and foster parenting with him. He did go to some sessions with me on fostering children and half way through the training he decided that he just did not want to be a parent. At that point it hit me that we are a family of two. We are happy and adding a child to our family would make one of us definitely miserable. At that point I had a bit of an epiphany and began exploring the option of choosing a childfree life.

I am now in my later 40’s and can see that my cup is really full. I have a great husband. I work with children, but at the end of the day can come home and enjoy the quiet. I have the freedom to travel or to take up hobbies. I also enjoy volunteering with different groups some of which help children.

Best of all I have found a wonderful on line community of other childfree individuals and couples who are positive, confident and amazing in living full lives without children. Living in a society where the word “family” indicates children…it has been a light in the dark to find others who have gone through some of the prejudices that come with this choice.

While I was not an early articulator regarding the childfree life, I am very content that my path led me down the road less traveled. I continue to be inspired by the stories of many CF people I have encountered. I am living a great life without regret.

As a woman in her later 40’s I can really say that I am glad those times of turmoil are now over. It is great to have arrived on the other side of the fence, the childfree side!

 

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